Why Mommy is a Babykilling Space Alien Thug by Jeremy Zilber
Look at the ears on those Democrasses! What creature on earth has ears like that?
Or, maybe it should be entitled Why Mommy Insists on Shoving Blasphemy, Buggery, and 'Bortion Down the Throats of Innocent Americans...
* Who? Look here.
Roto-Reuters: "Rocky" will move to Philadelphia Art Museum steps
A statue of fictional boxer Rocky Balboa will be moved to the Philadelphia Art Museum steps, where the movie character played by Sylvester Stallone ran while training for a fight, officials said on Wednesday.
1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.
Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.
2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.
3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.
4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.
5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.
That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.
Thursday 9/7
Miami (EVEN) at Pittsburgh
It's a pick 'em game without Big Ben. I have a bad feeling about this season. Steeler fans may have to pay for last year's joy...But I'm picking the Black and Gold to win!
FINAL: Steelers 28 Dolphins 17 - Fyodor wins! (Shaky O, D, and special teams bode ill for the future, fellow Steeler fans. But the team with the better players usually wins. Good game, Charlie Batch!)
Sunday 9/10
Atlanta (+5) at Carolina
Michael Vick cannot win football games by himself. Take the Panthers.
FINAL: Falcons 20 Panthers 6 - Fyodor loses! (WTF??? Cancel your Super Bowl reservations,Panther fans.)
Baltimore (+3) at Tampa Bay
Steve McNair is old and injury prone. The Bucs are underrated. Take Tampa to cover at home.
FINAL: Raven 27 Buccaneers 0 - Fyodor loses! (Whither Chris Simms?)
Buffalo (+9) at New England
Buffalo really stinks and New England is not dead yet. The Patriots cover a big (for Week One) number.
FINAL: Patriots 19 Bills 17 - Fyodor loses! (I am beginning to sense a trend here...)
Cincinnati (+2.5) at Kansas City
I think Kansas City is overrated, but we'll have to see how Carson Palmer holds up on the road. Pick the Chiefs.
FINAL: Bengals 23 Chiefs 10 - Fyodor loses! (Yep. It's definitely a trend...)
Denver (-4) at St. Louis
Will Jake Plummer recover from his playoff performance? The Rams are a good place to start. Broncos will win by at least 7.
FINAL: Rams 18 Broncos 10 - Fyodor loses! (Welcome back to normal, Jake!)
New Orleans (+3) at Cleveland
Browns are very bad and the Saints are improved. Take New Orleans and the points on the road.
FINAL: Saints 19 Browns 14 - Fyodor wins!
New York Jets (+2.5) at Tennessee
Lousy Game of the Week. I'll pick Tennessee because they are at home.
FINAL: Jets 23 Titans 16 - Fyodor loses!
Philadelphia (-5.5) at Houston
Week One picks are difficult because the exhibition season is so meaningless. But the Eagles are an easy pick here.
FINAL: Eagles 24 Texans 10 - Fyodor wins!
Seattle (-6.5) at Detroit
Seattle will cover easily.
FINAL: Seahawks 9 Lions 6 - Fyodor loses! (Obviously, the refs are still out to get the Seahawks...)
Chicago (-3.5) at Green Bay
Chicago is not as good as they played last year, but Green Bay is worse. Pick the Bears.
FINAL: Bears 26 Packers 0 - Fyodor wins! (Thank goodness Favre retired so he wouldn't have to suffer through this humiliation!)
Dallas (+2.5) at Jacksonville
Hmmm...I thought Dallas would be favored. The Jaguars get 3 points for being at home...I would stay away from this one if I could. I will cautiously pick Dallas.
FINAL: Jaguars 24 Cowboys 17 - Fyodor loses! (The T.O. era begins.)
San Francisco (+7.5) at Arizona
The 49ers are awful. Take the Cardinals in their new nest.
FINAL: Cardinals 34 49ers 27 - Fyodor loses! (I don't blame the hook.I blame that stinky Arizona D.)
Indianapolis (-3.5) at New York Giants
Take big brother Peyton over little brother Eli. Colts cover easily.
FINAL: Colts 26 Giants 21 - Fyodor wins!
Monday 9/11
Minnesota (+4.5) at Washington
The Redskins showed nothing in the exhibition season. I think they'll look better now that it counts. They should win this one, but they won't cover. Take the Vikings and the points.
San Diego (-3) at Oakland
A Monday Night Football doubleheader! The untried Phillip Rivers versus the pathetic Raiders in Oakland! Bet on LT! Chargers will cover the 3!
Today is the Feast of St. Marek Krizin, priest and martyr of Hungary. Along with two Jesuits - Hungarian Stephen Pongracz and Melchior Grodecz, a Czech, he was tortured martyred by protestant troops in 1619. All three were canonized in 1995 as the Martyrs of Kosice by Pope John Paul II. Pray for us, all you angels and saints.
Today's reading is 1 Corinthians 3:18-23.
Today's Responsorial Psalm is Psalms 24:1-2, 3-4, 5-6.
Today's Gospel reading is Luke 5:1-11.
Everyday links:
The Blessed Virgin Mary
The Rosary
Our Mother of Perpetual Help
Prayers from EWTN
National Coalition of Clergy and Laity (dedicated to action for a genuine Catholic Restoration)
The Catholic Calendar Page for Today
Just in case you are wondering what exactly Catholics believe, here is
The Apostles Creed
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth; and in Jesus Christ, His only Son Our Lord, Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into Heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. Amen.
Memorare
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that any one who fled to thy protection, implored thy help or sought thy intercession,was left unaided.Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins my Mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful; O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy clemency hear and answer me. Amen.
St. Joseph, her most chaste spouse, pray for us.
Anima Christi
Soul of Christ, sanctify me; Body of Christ, save me; Blood of Christ, inebriate me; Water from Christ's side, wash me; Passion of Christ, strengthen me; O good Jesus, hear me; Within Thy wounds hide me; Suffer me not to be separated from Thee; From the malicious enemy defend me; In the hour of my death call me; And bid me come unto Thee; That I may praise Thee with Thy saints and with Thy angels Forever and ever. Amen.
Prayer to St. Anthony, Martyr of Desire
Dear St. Anthony, you became a Franciscan with the hope of shedding your blood for Christ. In God's plan for you, your thirst for martyrdom was never to be satisfied. St. Anthony, Martyr of Desire, pray that I may become less afraid to stand up and be counted as a follower of the Lord Jesus. Intercede also for my other intentions. (Name them.)
Prayer To Saint Michael The Archangel
St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil; may God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the divine power, thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
Prayer to End Abortion
Lord God, I thank You today for the gift of my life, and for the lives of all my brothers and sisters. I know there is nothing that destroys more life than abortion, yet I rejoice that you have conquered death by the resurrection of Your Son. I am ready to do my part to end abortion. Today I commit myself never to be silent, never to be passive, and never to be forgetful of the unborn. I commit myself to be active in the pro-life movement, and never stop defending life until all my brothers and sisters are protected and our nation once again becomes a nation with liberty and justice, not just for some, but for all. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Prayer For Vocations
Send forth your Spirit, Lord, into the hearts of your faithful people, that we may be conscious of our vocation to holiness and sevice to others. Grant that many of us may dedicate ourselves to You through the priesthood and the religious life.We pray especially for the needs of our own parish and diocese. Grant that we may always have sufficient good and holy priests, and dedicated Sisters to serve our commumities.We pray, too, for religious orders; that generous men may join them to become zealous missionaries in preaching the Gospel in word and action, especially to the poor and abandoned.We make this prayer through Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Redeemer. Amen.
Prayer Before The Crucifix
Behold, O kind and gentle Jesus, I kneel before Thee and pray that Thou would impress upon my heart the virtues of faith, hope, and charity, with true repentance for my sins and a firm purpose of amendment. At the same time, with sorrow I meditate on Thy five precious wounds, having in mind the words which David spoke in prophecy: "They have pierced my hands and my feet. I can count all my bones."
OMG!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, KIDDIES!!!!!!!!!
OUR MORAL AND INTELLECTUAL SUPERIORS ARE SCREAMING IT AT US AND THEY CANNOT BE MISTAKEN! (Nor could they be pushing their left-fascist political agenda!)
Asia? DEAD!
AP: Experts: Obesity a 'Disaster' for Asia
The rapid modernization of China and other Asian countries has produced an alarming spike in the rate of obesity and diabetes, which could undermine the region's economic and social stability, experts warned Wednesday.
The English? DEAD!
Nutraingredients.com: Obesity initiative targets English school food
A multi-million pound project designed to secure the future of healthy school food and tackle childhood obesity has been launched in England.
Business development managers? DEAD!
Nutraingredients.com: Use technology to tackle obesity, urges food industry insider
We desperately need to change the corrosive debate over obesity by looking for innovative solutions rather than just scapegoats, says a Danisco business development manager.
The undernourished shall inherit the earth!
New Scientist: Obesity epidemic 'engulfing the entire world'
The world's overweight people now outnumber the undernourished, according to Paul Zimmet, in his speech to the International Congress on Obesity
Asia? Still DEAD!
Guardian Unlimited: Obesity in Asia mirrors western increase
Rapid modernisation of China and other Asian countries produces alarming spike in obesity rate.
Contra Costa? DEAD!
Contra Costa Times: Growing obesity problem is focus of global meeting
An obesity pandemic threatens to overwhelm health systems around the globe with illnesses such as diabetes and heart disease, experts at an international conference warned Sunday.
Huh? The Meat News?
Meat News: AGRICULTURE TRADE KEY TO OBESITY
The failure of the WHO trade talks should prompt leaders to rethink food and farming practices to combat obesity epidemic, an obesity expert says.
The Internet and all taskforces that study it? DEAD!
Roto-Reuters: Exploitative Internet marketing fuels child obesity
Self-regulation in food and beverage marketing is being exploited and is failing to curb childhood obesity, research by a global obesity taskforce presented on Tuesday has found.
Children (who are our future, you know)? DEAD!
AFP: Obesity experts urge global ban on junk-food advertising to children
A group of leading international obesity experts has called for a global ban on advertising junk food to children as part of a worldwide fight against fat.
Women? DEAD!
PhysOrg: Obesity pandemic hurts women more than men: expert
The global obesity pandemic combined with society's anti-fat bias is more damaging to women than to men, an expert warned at an international conference Wednesday.
Stockholders? DEAD!
Stuff: McDonalds and Coke before obesity inquiry
The two companies most often accused of fattening children say there is little evidence bans or restrictions on their products would cut obesity rates.
Formerly Christian women's organizations? DEAD!
Whittier Daily News: YMCA fighting obesity
The YMCA of Greater Whittier is leading the local fight against obesity with America On the Move Week, Sept. 23 to 30, and mobilizing the community to get active.
Home of Super Bowl XL champion Steelers? DEAD!
PR Newswire: Highmark Inc. and Its Regional Partners to Focus on Community Solutions to Address Childhood Obesity
[Press Release] Highmark, along with its regional partners, will present a childhood obesity prevention event for professionals and the public on Saturday, Sept. 16, at the David L. Lawrence Convention Center in downtown Pittsburgh.
Kerala bears? DEAD! (I know. Go ahead and sue me.)
New Kerala: Kids obesity risk can be identified in early childhood
Parents and pediatricians may now be able to identify the risk of obesity in kids since early childhood, based on the results of a a new research study.
Dr. Atkins? DEAD!
His diet? LOOKING GOOD! IS THEIR STOCK ON THE MARKET?
Bloomberg.com: Protein Diet Best Quells Hunger, May Fight Obesity, Study Shows
A diet rich in protein may help people shed weight because it triggers the production of a hormone that quells hunger, researchers found, opening a new front in the battle against obesity.
Sperm? DEAD!
Healthandage: Obesity linked to male infertility --- HealthandAge
A 20 pound increase in weight leads to a ten per cent increase in male infertility. Infertility affects around couple in six and the causes are diverse. A team at the US National Institute of Environmental Health now reveals that obesity can be one factor in male infertility. (That's virility. Morons.)
Farmers? KILL THEM ALL NOW!
AP: Western ag policies blamed for obesity
The agricultural policies of the world's top producing nations are contributing to the increasing problem of obesity in developing nations, a leading researcher said Monday.
I came to Carthage, where I found myself in the midst of a hissing cauldron of lusts. I had not yet fallen in love, but I was in love with the idea of it, and this feeling that something was missing made me despise myself for not being more anxious to satisfy the need. I began to look around for some object for my love, since I badly wanted to love something. —St. Augustine, Confessions
No, former NBA and University of Virginia great Ralph Sampson does not merit SEX IS DEATH status because he used to be an athlete.
Because he is a black man? Nope.
Because he is famous? Guess again.
Sports Illustrated: Ralph Sampson to serve jail time
Former NBA star Ralph Sampson has agreed to serve two months in jail and pay more than $300,000 in past and future child support, SI.com has learned.
The agreement comes two days before Sampson is scheduled to go on trial to face federal charges of mail fraud, perjury and nonsupport. It concludes a legal saga that began in 2003 when federal authorities charged Sampson with failing to support two of the eight children he has with five women.
Ta-da!
Sampson, who was college player of the year for three consecutive seasons at the University of Virginia, is scheduled to appear before a federal judge in Richmond on Thursday morning to finalize the settlement.
Sampson's attorney, James Roberts, will ask U.S. District Court Judge James Spencer to delay Sampson's incarceration until the spring of 2007. A portion of the child support money is already on deposit with Roberts's law firm, and Roberts expects Sampson to have the remainder in time for the hearing on Thursday.
Terry Holland, the former Virginia coach who guided Sampson and the Cavaliers to three ACC titles and an appearance in the Final Four, is expected to testify for Sampson.
That is so nice of you, Coach. Be sure to tell the court what a stand-up guy ol' Ralphie is and how he is an asset to his community. Tell them he is a lover, not a hater.
Assistant U.S. Attorney Sara Flannery confirmed the settlement. Without it, Sampson faced two years in jail and substantial fines.
I know I should not bother, kiddies, but I can't help myself...
Keep it in your pants.
Part 1: SEX IS DEATH. (Stories for boys) is here.
Part 2: SEX IS DEATH. (Distaff death) is here.
Part 3: SEX IS DEATH. (Joyously dispensing death) is here.
Part 4: SEX IS DEATH. (Sex is depression) is here.
Part 5: SEX IS DEATH. (When self-pleasuring becomes self-destruction) is here.
Part 6: SEX IS DEATH. (Sex is theft) is here.
Part 7: SEX IS DEATH. (A review of Bareback Mountain) is here.
Part 8: SEX IS DEATH. (What is the ultimate penalty?) is here.
Part 9: SEX IS DEATH. (Haven from reality) is here.
Part 10: SEX IS DEATH. (Sin-redemption-reasons-reason) is here.
Part 11: SEX IS DEATH. (Mommy loves you) is here.
Part 12: SEX IS DEATH. (George Gilder offers a clue) is here.
Part 13: SEX IS DEATH. (Post-killem depression) is here.
Part 14: SEX IS DEATH. (Whither womanhood) is here.
Part 15: SEX IS DEATH. (Saving psychology 1) is here.
Part 16: SEX IS DEATH. (Saving psychology 2) is here.
Part 17: SEX IS DEATH. (Fear of the boomers) is here.
Part 18: SEX IS DEATH. (The battle continues apace) is here.
Part 19: SEX IS DEATH. (Hot for teacher) is here.
Part 20: SEX IS DEATH. (Kids do the darndest things) is here.
Part 21: SEX IS DEATH. (Defects) is here.
Part 22: SEX IS DEATH. (Privates' privacy) is here.
Part 23: SEX IS DEATH. (National Condom Week) is here.
Part 24: SEX IS DEATH. (Wegenics) is here.
Part 25: SEX IS DEATH. (White wedding) is here.
Part 26: SEX IS DEATH. (Literally) is here.
Part 27: SEX IS DEATH. (Can't get me no satisfaction) is here.
Part 28: SEX IS DEATH. (Wrestle with mania) is here.
Part 29: SEX IS DEATH. (Press one for death/Presione uno para la muerte) is here.
Part 30: SEX IS DEATH. (Raunch culture) is here.
Part 31: SEX IS DEATH. (Gimme some of that sweet zombie lovin') is here.
Part 32: SEX IS DEATH. (The devil made me eat my baby) is here.
Part 33: SEX IS DEATH. (Mind control = womb control) is here.
Part 34: SEX IS DEATH. (The expense of playing with yourself) is here.
Part 35: SEX IS DEATH. (You can't always get what you want) is here.
Part 36: SEX IS DEATH. (Whom does a master serve?) is here.
The bloody, terrible, and beautiful sport of bullfighting has lost one of its masters.
Silverio Perez, one of Mexico's most beloved bullfighters, has died. He was 91.
Mr. Perez died Saturday at his ranch in Pentecostes east of Mexico City after suffering from pneumonia, Mexican media reported.
Born June 20, 1915, the legendary matador was considered one of the greatest bullfighters of Mexico's Golden Age of toreros. He started his career in 1931 after a bull killed his brother, the famed Carmelo Perez, during a fight in Spain.
Nicknamed "The Pharaoh,'' Silverio Perez's enticing, slow style attracted fans from Mexico to Spain. During a fight in 1943, crowd cheers of "Ole!'' reverberated for blocks from a Mexico City bull ring after he killed "Tanguito'' in what was considered a supreme performance.
He was "seductive while carrying out one of the most difficult tasks in the world,'' the Mexican newspaper El Universal said Sunday.
Mr. Perez retired from bullfighting in 1953. Mexican songwriter and singer Agustin Lara wrote the song, "Silverio,'' in the 1960s in his honor.
A statue of Mr. Perez waving his cape at a bull adorns one of Mexico City's main avenues.
"He was an extraordinary man,'' Mexican bullfighter Eulalio Lopez said.
Thousands of Mexicans planned to honor Silverio Perez in a ceremony Sunday at the Plaza Mexico, Mexico City's main bullfighting ring. His ashes will be enshrined at Basilica de la Virgin Guadalupe.
He is survived by several children and grandchildren. (Thanks to the San Jose Mercury News for this obituary.)
