#NeverClump!

It has come to pass, kiddies. The two parties have been converging for generations and now we have a two-headed hybrid monster running for president. Both candidates are criminally insane perverts, liars, and traitors. They are practically indistinguishable. [Hitlery has bigger hands and Trumpsky looks better in pantsuits.] Henceforth and forever more, it shall be referred to as Clump [and "it"] because it does not matter which half of it gets elected. Clump wins. Clump über alles. Hail Clump!

Laura Ingraham, PTSD*, and the case of the incompetent babysitters.

* Post Trumpmatic Stress Disorder, obviously.

I can't tell you what happened to Laura Ingraham. It might have been some kind of severe trauma, like a blow to the head. But the easiest answer is she was always a right-fascist goon and thug and was just lying about her "conservatism". And she's still lying about it.

She used to make all the right noises. She even converted to Catholicism [sometimes it doesn't stick], worked in the pro-life movement, and adopted a couple of kids from third world hellholes. All well and good. Genuine conservative bona fides.

Wrong.

Along comes Trumpsky the right-fascist wet dream and our girl Laura suddenly discovers how huuuuuge, bigly, and strong government must be to protect us little people from the evil elites. [BTW, Laura is an Ivy League educated lawyer who clerked for a Supreme Court Justice. Who better to know what us plebes need?]

Whenever s real conservative calls her talk show and incredulously asks her how she can support that psycho leftist fraud, she invariably says the same thing: "Well, we voted for conservatives for years and things didn't get any better."

Holy sheep shit, woman! That's PTSD for sure. That's pure madness, right?

Let me attempt to put this nonsense in human terms instead of the political bullshit she and others of her ilk traffic in...

Laura has a couple of little kids who need a babysitter because Laura is a busy modern woman. She has been hiring irresponsible teenage girls [read: Repansycans] who spend the whole night on the phone and let the kids get hopped up on sugary snacks instead of reading Boethius [Look him up.] to them.

Totally incompetent babysitters, right? So Laura begins to look for a new babysitter for her precious kiddies.

There's the crazy old woman who lives across the street. [Hitlery Rodham Schicklegruber, of course.] She's available, but many of Laura's neighbors say she's a real witch. No, I'm not kidding. She's an actual witch who eats children. No responsible, loving parent could leave her kids with a baby-eater, so Hitlery's out.

Then there is the bat-shit crazy old man next door. [Trumpsky! Making babysitting great again!] The problem is he's a convicted child molester. Yep, for all but the last two years of his life, he's been a pedophile who actually braggged about how good he is at raping both boys and girls. He even wears colorful baseball caps emblazoned "Ask Me About Meagan's Law ". Ha-ha-ha. What a colorful old coot he is.

But he says he's not into that stuff anymore. He owns a bible and has joined the Rotarians. Laura really needs a sitter and those darn teenagers are so...frustrating!

Guess who Laura picked to watch her kiddies? [Hint: It doesn't end well.]