The Pope, sodomy, and you.

Perverts all over the world are rejoicing because it seems that they are cool with God after all. Except , of course, if they covet their neighboring male prostitute's customer's rectum...I guess.

A seismic shift, indeed. Even that arch-chowderhead Bill Maher is thinking of becoming Catholic, pending the release of Benedict XVI's next encyclical, which is expected to bless chronic stupidity.

In case you have not heard the latest, kiddies, the head of the Roman Catholic Church [Earth Division] says it's hunky-dory for hookers with penises to wrap said penises in plastic before inserting them in other [paying] beings who happen to have penises. Or vice [get it?] versa. One can only assume that both tops and bottoms are now absolved.

One also hesitates to accuse the heir of St. Peter of fuzzy thinking, so I will be charitable and chalk this nonsense up to his being infected by the zeitgeist [one of my all-time favorite German words], which has always been a great danger to His flock.

As I almost always say [now I guess I should say it always]: Ideas have consequences. The idea in this instance is disguised by the world as something good [as per usual] - the prevention of disease. Who, for Baba Booey 's brother's sake, could be against disease prevention? Unfortunately, that is what is known in the world of professional wrestling as a " work " The world, and its prince, do not give a tinker's cuss [to put it mildly] about AIDS, whooping cough, or chlamydia. The goal is to corrupt souls into eternal damnation. That is the bottom line to end all bottom lines, kiddies.

So, instead of trying to help male hustlers and poor, ignorant [practically by the world's definition, which is overwhelmingly rich, white, and leftist] people of color to stop sinning, we should use technology to stop "the spread of disease". Again, who could possibly want people to get a disease? An excellent "work", an excellent smoke screen, indeed. You pretend to be concerned for people's health in order to disguise your true agenda of destroying families and seducing people into condemning their immortal souls to eternal hellfire. Brilliant!

Has our current Pope tired of the battle? Are we so fatigued by the constant struggle for the salvation of all souls on earth that we are now willing to surrender millions of them to the Foolish One? It sure as Hell [get it?] looks like it.

Let's take this idea to a few of its logical conclusions, shall we?

1) Male whores are allowed to use rubbers because said rubbers are not being used to prevent conception due to the inability of males to [currently, at least] conceive and bear children. Therefore, "sex" between males is permitted because pregnancy is not possible.

2) If male homosexuality is permitted because there is no possibility of conception, other forms of "sex" that also preclude conception are permitted.

A] Good news [Please forgive me, Father. It is merely irony to help the good little kiddies get it.] for King Goober II! He's not going to Hell for inserting his misshapen genitalia into the mouths of willing fat chicks with low self-esteem. Everyone will now call fellatio " gettin' a Clinton". [Rape, however, will probably remain verboten.] N.B. - Obviously this moniker is derived from Spill Clinton, not Hitlery or Sellcheap. They are good girls and would never do that sort of thing.

B] Good news for bisexuals [wink-wink, nudge-nudge] and Ernest Hemingway! Anal sex between men and women is now permitted. There is no chance of finding any eggs to fertilize down that road.

C] Good news for teenagers [but not the guys who have to detail the interiors of their dads' cars afterward]! Hand jobs are now allowed. Poor Ann Landers wasted all those decades warning kiddies about the evils of heavy petting for nothing.

D] Good news for organized crime! Pornography is now permitted. Not only does it go hand-in-hand [get it?] with masturbation [See E below], but pulling it out and blowing it on her face, stomach, back, elbow, or feet is a good thing.

E] Good news for the fat, the ugly, and the socially awkward! Abusing yourself is now permitted.

F] Good news for select surgeons! Vasectomies are not only permitted, but they will immediately become the most popular surgeries in the world. After all, shooting blanks is like having your dingus permanently wrapped in super-duper unbreakable plastic. [Which begs a few questions...Since condoms do "fail" once in a while, whose sin is it if some dude gets sick after a balloon bursts in his pooper? The top? The assembly line worker (I can only assume) who made the prophylactic? His employer?]

G] Good news for beastiality enthusiasts! Since, by definition of the word "species", inter-species lovin' can't result in conception [for instance, the armandillo is strictly a fictional beast], knockin' hooves with your pets, wild forest and jungle critters, and strays is permitted. Attendance at zoos will skyrocket because visiting them will be like cruising certain neighborhoods in Amsterdam. Pet shops, too. Gives "How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?" a whole new meaning, eh kiddies?

H] Good news for Bill & Melinda Gates, Warren Buffett, et al.! Sex with sterilized third world chicks is permitted. Now being rich, white, and racist is more fun than ever.

I] Good news for lesbians! It's about to become more than just a fad, at least in the "developed" world.

J] Good news for pedophiles, sado-masochists, and other as yet undreampt-of perverts who define their miserable existences with the "sex" they prefer.

3) And, since [as all good kiddies know] all sin is related, if you can rationalize away one sin or one category of sins, you can magically make all sins disappear!

Hey, that sounds kinda familiar...