Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.
Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.


Thursday 9/7


Miami (EVEN) at Pittsburgh
It's a pick 'em game without Big Ben. I have a bad feeling about this season. Steeler fans may have to pay for last year's joy...But I'm picking the Black and Gold to win!
FINAL: Steelers 28 Dolphins 17 - Fyodor wins! (Shaky O, D, and special teams bode ill for the future, fellow Steeler fans. But the team with the better players usually wins. Good game, Charlie Batch!)


Sunday 9/10


Atlanta (+5) at Carolina
Michael Vick cannot win football games by himself. Take the Panthers.
FINAL: Falcons 20 Panthers 6 - Fyodor loses! (WTF??? Cancel your Super Bowl reservations,Panther fans.)


Baltimore (+3) at Tampa Bay
Steve McNair is old and injury prone. The Bucs are underrated. Take Tampa to cover at home.
FINAL: Raven 27 Buccaneers 0 - Fyodor loses! (Whither Chris Simms?)


Buffalo (+9) at New England
Buffalo really stinks and New England is not dead yet. The Patriots cover a big (for Week One) number.
FINAL: Patriots 19 Bills 17 - Fyodor loses! (I am beginning to sense a trend here...)


Cincinnati (+2.5) at Kansas City
I think Kansas City is overrated, but we'll have to see how Carson Palmer holds up on the road. Pick the Chiefs.
FINAL: Bengals 23 Chiefs 10 - Fyodor loses! (Yep. It's definitely a trend...)


Denver (-4) at St. Louis
Will Jake Plummer recover from his playoff performance? The Rams are a good place to start. Broncos will win by at least 7.
FINAL: Rams 18 Broncos 10 - Fyodor loses! (Welcome back to normal, Jake!)


New Orleans (+3) at Cleveland
Browns are very bad and the Saints are improved. Take New Orleans and the points on the road.
FINAL: Saints 19 Browns 14 - Fyodor wins!


New York Jets (+2.5) at Tennessee
Lousy Game of the Week. I'll pick Tennessee because they are at home.
FINAL: Jets 23 Titans 16 - Fyodor loses!


Philadelphia (-5.5) at Houston
Week One picks are difficult because the exhibition season is so meaningless. But the Eagles are an easy pick here.
FINAL: Eagles 24 Texans 10 - Fyodor wins!


Seattle (-6.5) at Detroit
Seattle will cover easily.
FINAL: Seahawks 9 Lions 6 - Fyodor loses! (Obviously, the refs are still out to get the Seahawks...)


Chicago (-3.5) at Green Bay
Chicago is not as good as they played last year, but Green Bay is worse. Pick the Bears.
FINAL: Bears 26 Packers 0 - Fyodor wins! (Thank goodness Favre retired so he wouldn't have to suffer through this humiliation!)


Dallas (+2.5) at Jacksonville
Hmmm...I thought Dallas would be favored. The Jaguars get 3 points for being at home...I would stay away from this one if I could. I will cautiously pick Dallas.
FINAL: Jaguars 24 Cowboys 17 - Fyodor loses! (The T.O. era begins.)


San Francisco (+7.5) at Arizona
The 49ers are awful. Take the Cardinals in their new nest.
FINAL: Cardinals 34 49ers 27 - Fyodor loses! (I don't blame the hook.I blame that stinky Arizona D.)


Indianapolis (-3.5) at New York Giants
Take big brother Peyton over little brother Eli. Colts cover easily.
FINAL: Colts 26 Giants 21 - Fyodor wins!


Monday 9/11


Minnesota (+4.5) at Washington
The Redskins showed nothing in the exhibition season. I think they'll look better now that it counts. They should win this one, but they won't cover. Take the Vikings and the points.



San Diego (-3) at Oakland
A Monday Night Football doubleheader! The untried Phillip Rivers versus the pathetic Raiders in Oakland! Bet on LT! Chargers will cover the 3!