I know why the caged monkey flings his poop...

...or, I hope they stuff a couple of hundred pounds of Fruit Loops down the son of a bitch's throat on execution day.

Newsday.com gives us a glimpse of the Raisin Bran Crunch loving mother of all mothers in captivity somewhere in old Babylon.



"He still thinks he's the president," one soldier said. They said Saddam told them "when this was all over," he wanted them to stay in his palace and see how beautiful Iraq was.

Of his capture in December 2003, when soldiers found him in a spider hole in the ground, Saddam said only one person knew where he was hiding and betrayed him. He was captured near his hometown of Tikrit, months after the U.S.-led military campaign had overthrown his regime.
According to GQ, Saddam liked to tell jokes, write poetry, tend to his garden and smoke cigars.

He likes Doritos, which he would eat by sprinkling drops of water into the chips' bag beforehand, the soldiers said. He requested a pingpong table but was refused, they said.

He would offer them advice on women, they said.

"He was like, 'You gotta find a good woman. Not too smart, not too dumb. Not too old, not too young. In the middle. One that can cook and clean. Then you thank her, and you go...' And Saddam smiled and made the gesture of bending a woman over and spanking her, as if to say: This is how you keep her in line," one soldier said.

Saddam told them he had hired his son Uday three prostitutes for the three nights before his wedding.

"He said the first night, this girl came and gave it to Uday pretty good," one soldier said. "So Saddam asked his son if he was ready for the next one. 'No,' Uday told Saddam. 'This one was enough.' Saddam thought this was hilarious."

The captive would wash his hands immediately after shaking someone's hand and would wipe down his tray, table and eating utensils meticulously before eating, they said.

In case you're curious, here are the breakfast habits of the cereal killer to which I alluded above.