Nay, Blog of the Fortnight!
(That's about as long as Our Staunch Defenders of the First Amendment will allow us to remember Senator Dick's faux pas.)
Here are a few recent winners from Iowahawk:
Mr. Hector Gutierrez
Gutierrez Bros. Landscaping
Arlington, VA
Dear Mr. Gutierrez:
Nothing could have prepared me for the shock that awaited as I exited the front door of my home early Wednesday morning, where I discovered that your lawn crew had cut a swath of environmental destruction across my yard so horrifying that it only can be compared to the Rape of Nanking. I can scarcely bring myself to describe the killing fields that are my North azalea beds and the brutal degradation and torture suffered by the bluegrass around the locust tree by the rear patio. I am writing to inform you that I have contacted the US Department of Interior to conduct a full independent investigation into Gutierrez Brothers' actions in this matter. Please be advised that you may be subpoenaed for records pertaining to mower height, pruning shear maintenance, and leaf blower emissions. I would also advise your crewmen to heed the lessons of the Judgement At Nurenburg: although they may be spared the justice due their superiors, "I was only following orders" is not an excuse.
Sincerely,
Senator Richard J. Durbin
Washington, DC
Customer Relations Department
United Airlines
Elk Grove Village, IL
Dear Sir or Madam:
In the dark annals of human evil, history has recorded the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocides, and Stalin's mass starvation program. And now, United Airlines flight 671 from Reagan International to Chicago O'Hare on June 3rd, 2005. I know, because I am a survivor of that dark exemplar of man's cruelty to man.
Perhaps I should have known what I was in for when your brusque gate agent refused to issue an upgrade to me for the flight (despite being a Premier/1K member for over 10 years), or when your flight crew Gestapo confiscated my carry on Roll Tote (even though I had nearly fit it into the overhead bin). But the true measure of the horror did not dawn on me until me and my fellow passengers were left taxiing on the O'Hare tarmack for over twenty minutes in the Auschwitzian Airbus A320 cattlecar, in temperatures approaching 85 degrees, not knowing our fates or whether we would make it to our fundraising dinners.
Santayana once said, "those who forget history are doomed to repeat it." And I say to you and your fellow United criminals: "never again," unless you credit my account at least 2 flight segments for this travesty.
Sincerely,
Senator Richard J. Durbin
Washington, DC
cc: Human Rights Watch
cc: Amnesty International
Ms. He-Sook Park
AAA Georgetown Drycleaning
Washington, DC
Dear Ms. Park:
To paraphrase Pastor Martin Niemoeller, a witness to the Shoah:
First they frayed the hem on my wife's Valentino gownMy staff aide did not speak outBecause it was my wife's and it wasn't that noticeableWhen they didn't honor the 5-for-$4.99 tie couponMy staff aide did not speak outBecause the small print said "good Tuesday to Friday"
And when they overstarched my best Brooks Brothers shirtsthere was no one left to speak out toBecause your counter attendant did not speak English
I will no longer stay silent in the face of your cruel and sickening campaign of chemical fabricide, Ms. Park. Mankind will soon learn of the horrors you are hiding behind the flimsy facade of 'One Hour Martinizing.' I expect full reparations for the suffering of my wardrobe, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Senator Richard J. Durbin
Washington, DC
P.S. -- Could you hem a pair of casual trousers before Saturday? I have a DNC retreat coming up.
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Epstein
3786 Arbor Cove
Fairfax, VA
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Epstein:
In her diaries, Anne Frank wrote, "After all that has happened, I still believe there is good in everyone." I am sad to say that after the obscene neighborhood parking situation Saturday, prompted by your son Jacob's Bar Mitzvah at Congregation Beth Shalom, I cannot reach the same optimistic conclusion.
As I witnessed one after another of your uniformed parking attendant shock troops invading my cul de sac with menacing SUVs, eventual blocking my driveway, I could not help but imagine the raw panic that must have gripped the doomed souls that inhabited the ghettos of Warsaw in 1939. Although the traffic jam eventually passed over when your took your adolescent blitzkreig on to Lazer FunZone, I am not sure I will ever fully recover from the trauma.
Never again, Mr. and Mrs. Epstein. Never again.
Sincerely,
Senator Richard J. Durbin
Washington, DC
Citizen Iowahawk could be a possibility for our draft Senator Dick movement in 2008, to be called You Don't Know Dick!
Featured Post
It seems Pope Francis needs to brush up on his Tertullian!
It has been reported (in The ChristLast Media, I must note) that the current Pope does not like the phrase "lead us not into temptation...
"Let no freedom be allowed to novelty, because it is not fitting that any addition should be made to antiquity. Let not the clear faith and belief of our forefathers be fouled by any muddy admixture." -- Pope Sixtus III
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Blog of the Day
Posted by TheChurchMilitant at 4:24 PM
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About Me
- TheChurchMilitant
- First of all, the word is SEX, not GENDER. If you are ever tempted to use the word GENDER, don't. The word is SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! For example: "My sex is male." is correct. "My gender is male." means nothing. Look it up. What kind of sick neo-Puritan nonsense is this? Idiot left-fascists, get your blood-soaked paws off the English language. Hence I am choosing "male" under protest.
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- The latest from Baghdad: Free Iraqi
- Thunder6 on Father's Day
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- Support the Saudi Arabia Accountability Act of 2005.
- The King of Less Media.
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- Who's going to lose Taiwan?
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- The Pansy Imperative.
- It Takes A Village To Staff A Gestapo Unit.
- AIDS: The globalist Left's racist plot to kill bla...
- I resisted the temptation for two days...but...it'...
- Terrorists' PR flack, call your office.
- Malaria kills. DDT doesn't.
- Hey kids! Let's all take the modernity quiz!
- Walter Williams: Be careful what you wish for.
- Sowell: The peril of identity politics.
- Happy Birthday to the GI Bill.
- At an elementary school near me...
- Michelle Malkin: More Gitmo-A-Go-Go
- From The Pot Calling The Kettle Black Department:
- Buchanan: Bush better win this Republican war.
- Thanks, Myron.
- Saint of the Day and daily Mass readings.
- If only there were more pixels to be had...
- It is tough to beat that gun and flag shot...
- I told you she was hot...oops, I mean beautiful.
- Erratum et litura.
- The Ballad of Senator Klan...
- Taranto on Steyn on Senator Dick on Gitmo.
- The continuing saga of the Episcopal crackup.
- Terrorists Hire PR Firm...
- A step backward in Lebanon.
- Here's something you don't see everyday...
- The one thing Fyodor knows about women.
- They kill babies, don't they mama?
- Website of the Day: Take Back The Memorial.org
- I know why the caged monkey flings his poop...
- Willie Nelson and Bob Dylan on tour together.
- Professor R.J. Rummel's new book: I wish he had ti...
- May God bless the Order of the Apostles of Jesus.
- Jaime Cardinal Sin, Requiescat in pace.
- Saint of the Day and daily Mass readings
- Another step toward the return of the glory that o...
- Deep Downing Street DooDoo.
- From The Very Good Health News Department:
- Proof that surviving a Nazi slaughterhouse won't a...
- Rich white people (and Colin Powell) decide the en...
- Band of the Day
- Lillian Hellman now knows the truth, but who will ...
- Saint of the Day and daily Mass readings
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- ► 06/05 - 06/12 (75)
- ► 05/22 - 05/29 (49)
- ► 05/15 - 05/22 (52)
- ► 05/08 - 05/15 (38)
- ► 05/01 - 05/08 (65)
- ► 04/24 - 05/01 (8)
- ► 04/17 - 04/24 (2)
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