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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.

Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.


Thursday 12/21

Minnesota (+3) at Green Bay
I'll take the Packers to cover at home.
FINAL: Packers 9 Vikings 7 - Fyodor loses! (Stupid Packers.)

Saturday 12/23


Kansas City (-6.5) at Oakland
I must pick the Chiefs.
FINAL: Chiefs 20 Raiders 9 - Fyodor wins!


Sunday 12/24


Baltimore (+3.5) at Pittsburgh
I cannot , in good conscience, pick the Steelers. Give me the Ravens and the points.
FINAL: Ravens 31 Steelers 7 - Fyodor wins! (Only four months until the NFL draft.)


Carolina (+6.5) at Atlanta
No Vick, no Delhomme. No way I'd bet this game. I'll take the Falcons to cover here, though.
FINAL: Panthers 10 Falcons 3 - Fyodor loses!


Chicago (-5) at Detroit
I'll take the Lions, though I don't know why.
FINAL: Bears 26 Lions 21 - PUSH!


Indianapolis (-9) at Houston
Take the Texans and the points.
FINAL: Texans 27 Colts 24 - Fyodor wins! (Yep.)


New England (+2.5) at Jacksonville
I'll stupidly pick the Pats on the road.
FINAL: Patriots 24 Jaguars 21 - Fyodor wins! (Brilliant!)


New Orleans (+3) at NY Giants
New Orleans. Big time.
FINAL: Saints 30 Giants 7 - Fyodor wins! (I hope the Giants back in to the playoffs with a sub-.500 record.)


Tampa Bay (+3) at Cleveland
The Crummy Game of the Week! Take the Browns.
FINAL: Buccaneers 22 Browns 7 - Fyodor loses!


Tennessee (+4.5) at Buffalo
I'm picking the Bills and nobody can stop me!
FINAL: Titans 30 Bills 29 - Fyodor loses!


Washington (+2) at St. Louis
I will be so happy when this season is over...Pick the Rams.
FINAL: Rams 37 Redskins 31 - Fyodor wins!


Arizona (+4) at San Francisco
Who Cares? Take the 49ers.
FINAL: Cardinals 26 49ers 20 - Fyodor loses! (Who cares?)


Cincinnati (+3) at Denver
Is Palmer out? Stay away from this one, kiddies. I'll pick the Broncos at home.
FINAL: Broncos 24 Bengals 23 - Fyodor loses! (Ack!)


San Diego (-4.5) at Seattle
On a hunch, I 'll go with the Chargers, which means I shouldn't. But I will.
FINAL: Chargers 20 Seahawks 17 - Fyodor loses!


Monday 12/25


Philadelphia (+7) at Dallas
This is an Upset Special alert! Take the Eagles and the points!
FINAL: Eagles 23 Cowboys 7 - Fyodor wins! (Heehee!)


NY Jets (+2) at Miami
Dolphins, baby. Nothing but Dolphins.
FINAL: Jets 13 Dolphins 10 - Fyodor loses! (Stupid marine mammals.

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First of all, the word is SEX, not GENDER. If you are ever tempted to use the word GENDER, don't. The word is SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! For example: "My sex is male." is correct. "My gender is male." means nothing. Look it up. What kind of sick neo-Puritan nonsense is this? Idiot left-fascists, get your blood-soaked paws off the English language. Hence I am choosing "male" under protest.

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