"What? Me pollute? I'm a star, damn it!"
Watch what happens when our moral and intellectual superiors' effluvia hits the fan...
Chicago Sun-Times: Search for Malibu pollution may lead to stars' toilets
MALIBU, Calif. -- Just whose waste is fouling the most star-studded stretch of the Southern California coast?
Los Angeles County officials intend to find out, and if the evidence leads back to the toilets of some of Hollywood's rich and famous, the sewage could really hit the fan.
''This is going to get messy,'' predicts Mark Pestrella, the public works official assigned to the project.
I'll bet this guy has a screenplay he's been shopping for years.
Environmentalists and health officials suspect Malibu homeowners' leaky septic tanks are allowing what gets flushed down the toilet to flow down the hills and into the Pacific Ocean. To identify the offenders, authorities intend to use DNA testing and, if necessary, get court warrants to inspect septic tanks.
Under pressure from Southern California regulators, investigators over the next few months will begin testing sea water. If DNA shows the waste is human they will follow the trail up creeks that traverse neighborhoods in Malibu, where clean-water advocates such as Pierce Brosnan and Ted Danson live.
* Thanks to Scott Linn of The First Team on Fox for that one.
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