Dear E.T., Please take all earthlings who believe in you to their reward now and leave us ignorant neanderthals to wallow in our our filth. Please.

The doyen of Goober I's braintrust, Alfie "Tangled" Webre is alive and...um...you can decide for yourself how well he is.


LEFT: Mr. Webre has evolved to the point where he is now two-thirds vegetable, just like the Boomshakkalakkas of planet Hungadunga.


From WorldNetDaily comes details of Alfie's latest Super Genius endeavor:

President Jimmy Carter's former UFO guru, Alfred Webre, is still promoting the quest for extraterrestrials – now suggesting it is a matter of spiritual life and death for humanity.

In his new book, "Exopolitics – Politics, Government and Law in the Universe," he concludes that Earth has been "under quarantine" too long from more spiritually evolved "Off-Planet Cultures" – or OPCs, as they are known in ET circles.

Webre has also devised a new SDI plan – but it has little to do with the Strategic Defense Initiative invented by Carter's successor in the White House. This SDI is the "Star Dreams Initiative."

How cute is that? (I hope somebody remembered to remove all sharp objects from his room.)

Webre believes that humanity can help leave a legacy of peace and hope to future generations by taking specific steps to end the self-imposed embargo of the planet.

Embargo? WTF???

Webre's views have received the support of prominent individuals besides the former president and peanut farmer from Georgia. Paul Hellyer, former defense minister of Canada, is one fan. Another is Bryan O'Leary, former NASA astronaut.

"Much of this book rings true," writes O'Leary. "Certainly, our civilization cannot go on as we have. We will need all the help we can get to lift ourselves out of tyranny, genocide, and ecocide. So why not reach out toward those who are clearly more wise?"

Webre, who has given exopolitics presentations around the world, will give his next May 6 in British Columbia following the debut of a new version of "Star Dreams," a Robert Nichol's feature film about crop circles.

The controversial documentary explains that there have been almost 11,000 recorded crop circles worldwide since 1980, many of them baffling prominent scientists.

I don't think putting them to sleep counts as "baffling".

Webre's SDI program was prepared through his work as futurist at Stanford Research Institute and as a result of Carter's interest in the subject after he saw a UFO in 1969.

The little green men were spying on our primitive nuclear subs? Nope, too primitive. (Oops! According to the Jeopardy episode of 4/18/06, Goober I left the US Navy in 1953. Silly me. He must have been back in Georgia by '69. Maybe they were after Coca-Cola's secret formula.) They must have been interested in Carter himself. Then they engineered Vietnam, Watergate, and Gerald Ford's tripping (Stumble Ray guns) to put their own "human" in the White House".

"The goal of the 1977 project was to fill the knowledge gap on this subject but was terminated because of the political climate at the time," explains Webre.

Of course! The Republicans!

Webre also says that Robert Nichol's film on crop circles will help prepare people's mindset for what he will be revealing after the film during his presentation.

If he shows up at the theater wearing nothing but a trenchcoat...

Nichol's updated documentary includes new interviews with researchers such as an investigative reporter, a Native American artist, and a former NASA consultant. The featured "investigative reporter" is Emmy Award-winning TV producer Linda Moulton Howe. She explains that some crop circles in the U.S. have been worth studying because they show biochemical and biophysical changes that cannot be made by hoaxers using boards and strings.

Hey! I was born here. I can draw. I'm a native American artist!

During his film interview, Native American artist Rod Bearcloud focuses on the spiritual meaning of crop circles. He believes that they are sent to us by the "Star Nation people," known in our western culture as extraterrestrials.

Aren't Star Nation people really just Dallas hockey fans?

In the film, Richard Hoagland, a frequent guest on the late-night talk-show circuit, claims evidence of an ancient civilization on planet Mars has been concealed by NASA. Hoagland was a former consultant to NASA and a science advisor to Walter Cronkite of CBS News during the historic Apollo Missions to the Moon.

That's the guy who found a giant sculpture of Jesus' face on Mars. Honest. It's in the Weekly World News every eight months.

Nichol concludes only a minority of crop circles are hoaxed. He explains that skeptics often ignore the more complex formations with anomalies that defy our current scientific understanding.