Steve Czaban of Fox Sports Radio wrote a column for OnMilwaukee.com in which he types things Fisher DeBerry only dreams of uttering.
Personally, whenever I hear about how blacks are faster than whites because of the difference in their "quick-twitch muscles", I wonder how those Kenyans dominate distance races and, especially, marathons.
My guess is sports are dominated by people who take them seriously. There used to be a huge number of great Italian, Irish, and Jewish fighters. There used to be a huge number of great black baseball players. (BTW, who declared the descendants of African slaves who happen to speak Spanish to be white? Roberto Clemente was a heck of a lot darker than Mike Bibby is.) Now, not so much. If black kids think basketball and football are cool and baseball is boring, all the ranting of Hall of Famers like Aaron and Morgan is a waste of time.
But if you want to claim your race is inherently superior in some things, you better be ready for other races to do the same. Example: "Most quarterbacks are white because blacks aren't smart enough to get the job done."
All in all, I think my theory is best. But, then again, I would, wouldn't I?
This past week in sports was not a good one for honest discussion about race.
From Fisher DeBerry and his "need for speed" remarks, to Joe Morgan and Hank Aaron's lament about the lack of black Major Leaguers, it seems that truth has become kryptonite. And nobody wants to get near it.
So let me.
Black players in football are generally faster than whites, and black kids are not choosing to become major league baseball players because it's not very cool in today's pop culture.
There. Somebody said it. Duh.
Why DeBerry has to issue an apology, and why Commissioner Bud Selig needs to wring his hands and fret, is beyond me. Just call it like it is folks, we can handle it.
The irony with DeBerry's remarks, is that he was actually trying to open a door for black players at the Air Force Academy, because he was admitting that they are better at what wins football games!
For this you need to apologize?
Paul Hornung tried to say essentially the same thing a year ago, and he paid for it with his job. Hornung's contention, is that standards were too high at Notre Dame for football players, and that it was filtering out a certain level of black player.
Mind you, standardized test scores for black college applicants (on average) are lower than those (on average) for white college applicants. This is not simply a theory or conjecture, its researched fact.
So when the University of Michigan law school decides to use different benchmarks for LSAT scores by black applicants than whites in order to bow at the altar of "campus diversity" then it's defended fiercely by the usual parties as being both fair and necessary.
But when a football coach or broadcaster calls for the same affirmative action because it'll make the football team better, then he's eyed as some kind of evil racist.
Once again, honesty is for suckers.
Meanwhile, some people found it shocking and depressing that one team -- the Houston Astros -- had the nerve to sneak into the World Series without a single black player on their roster.
Count me among the people who were disappointed that the only thing Joe Morgan could do when looking at the Astros dugout was take a headcount and race-check. Would it have been too much for Morgan just to say: "I see a great team. Period."
Better yet, how come nobody had the guts to say: "Hey, good for the Astros, and good for white folks! I mean, us black guys own about 70% of the NFL and 90 percent of the NBA, so it's good to see that our pale brothers can still get it done without us!"
Now that would have been funny, and also true -- the best kind of humor.
So since everybody else is afraid to say what we all know to be true about race and sports, let me be the one to lay out some more things nobody wants to admit. Here goes ...
+In boxing, it's true, it pays to bet on the black guy. How about this for a quick name check. Black: Jack Johnson, Joe Louis, Muhammed Ali, Ken Frazier, George Foreman, Larry Holmes, Evander Holyfield, Mike Tyson. White: John L. Sullivan, Jack Dempsey, Rocky Marciano, Randall "Tex" Cobb, Gerry Cooney, Tommy Morrison, Donny Lalonde. Advantage: black.
+Poor black kids often excel at football and basketball because it is seen as a ticket out of the ghetto. Poor white folks often excel at bass fishing because it is seen as a ticket out of the trailer -- for the afternoon.
+If you are a black personality on ESPN and don't yell or verbally strut, you have no career. Stuart Scott, Michael Irvin, Steven A. Smith -- blowin' up. Fred Hickman, Jay Harris, Stan Verrett -- buried. Forget about being the black Dan Patrick. They apparently don't want one, and Jesse Jackson seems OK with that.
+There's a reason why there are no black placekickers or field goal kickers in the NFL. Peer pressure. It's not that they don't have access to the equipment or coaching. It's not that some marginally talented black football players wouldn't like kicking. It's not that they wouldn't do very well. It's that they would be mocked and ridiculed beyond belief by their black peers.
+White kids who are good athletes of modest physical attributes gravitate toward baseball for a reason -- they know it's their best shot at becoming a pro athlete. I bet that Cardinals shortstop David Eckstein (5'-7", 165 pounds) was once a pretty good player at a variety of sports. But do you think his dad needed to sit him down and explain to him why he'd never play wideout in the NFL? No, neither do I.
+If you are a poor black kid equally good at baseball and basketball, you would be an idiot to choose baseball. In basketball, you get a multi-million dollar payday at age 19, to go with a huge scoop of fame. In baseball, you get a minor league contract, and bus rides between Fayetteville, N.C. and Suwanee, Ga.
+Memo to my black friends: just because a white guy thinks Michael Vick is over-rated, it does not make him a racist. It is a valid opinion, worthy of honest debate. Furthermore, asking a top-flight black QB in college to switch to another position in the NFL, is not akin to the Dred Scott decision. Charlie Ward was robbed? What about Eric Crouch? Ronald Curry was doing quite well until he got hurt, and nobody is crying about Matt Jones. This one cuts both ways.
+I do agree that Jason Sehorn was extremely over-hyped, solely because he was a white corner in the NFL.
+There has never, ever, ever been a worthy end-zone celebration by a white guy. Never. The closest thing was Billy "White Shoes" Johnson, who last time I checked, was black.
+Tiger Woods has been an international phenomenon since 1997. By now, everybody thought there would be at least one or two really good, black golf "prospects" for the PGA Tour. That hasn't happened. Maybe it'll take more time. Or maybe the "Tiger effect" was just a bunch of media hype and wishful thinking.
Good, I feel better now. If somebody else is writing this column next week, then you'll know that I've been fired because my editors didn't understand my sense of humor. But if not, then I will quote a great line from the movie Jerry Maguire.
Rod Tidwell (black guy) to agent Jerry Maquire (white guy): "You think we're fighting. But I think we're finally talking!"
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