Can't we just charge them with some kind of kiddie porn offense?

Portsmouth Herald: Downtown nudity rankles Vermont town

BRATTLEBORO, Vt. - Complaints about young people who spend time in downtown naked have prompted the Select Board to explore an anti-nudity ordinance.

Groups of young people have been congregating in a downtown parking lot and enjoying the warm summer weather without clothing, and that bothers some local residents.

"A parking lot is not a strip club. It's a parking lot," resident Theresa Toney told the Select Board last week. She said she has seen repeated instances of naked people hanging out downtown.

"This is a problem. What about children seeing this?" Toney asked.

Vermont has no law against nudity, though some cities and towns ban it by ordinance.

My guess is their ancestors never thought they would need such a law, because people should know better!

News that the Select Board had asked Town Attorney Robert Fisher to research a possible local ordinance drew a protest of sorts Friday, as five young men gathered downtown and stripped their clothes off in protest.

"There's no real valid way to justify the banning of nakedness," said one of the men, Adhi Palar, between licks on his clarinet.

Is that a euphemism?

"Nakedness does not violate any human rights whatsoever."

Ok, Sharansky, go put your pants on.

With no law to enforce, Police Chief John Martin was taking a laid-back approach.

"What's the harm?" Martin asked. "It's a problem to the extent that it bothers people, but we've always had it here."

Genius. When is this paragon up for election?

"We get calls and we check out what's going on. Even though there's often no criminal violation, we want to be sure there isn't a confrontation. Or that someone is not emotionally disturbed."

A criminal charge might result if the nudity is sexual in nature, with the purpose of "gratification or the intent of arousing oneself or another," Martin said.

Nudity has put the town in the headlines before. A group of women held "Breast Fest" in Brattleboro in the early 1990s, marching down Main Street with no clothing above the waist.

Wait! There's more:

UPI: Vermont town eyes ban on public nudity

A resident of Brattleboro, Vt., has complained to the town's government about displays of public nudity by local youths.

Did you say "utes"?

Officials in the town, which has no laws against public nudity except when used for sexual gratification, have asked an attorney to draft an ordinance to ban it, ABC News reported Friday. The town's Select Board is expected to vote on the measure in September.

Some of the teens, who had taken to holding hula hoop contests, riding bikes and just walking around town in the nude, organized a clothes-free sit-in to protest the measure.

Now they are teens. They were young adults.

The good news? John Mark Karr won't be moving to Brattleboro.

Theresa Toney raised the complaint after seeing a group of naked teens in a parking lot.

"The parking lot is not a strip club," she said. "What about children seeing this?"

However, 23-year-old Ian Bigelow, while standing naked outside a bookstore, said people have bigger things to worry about than nudity.

"We have a nuclear power plant a few miles away and a ridiculous war in the Middle East, countries getting bombed," he said. "So why's it such a big problem if we chose to get nude?"

Oh, Bush made you remove your pants. That justifies it.