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Friday, February 02, 2007

And now for the pagan portion of our program...

...Happy Groundhog Day!

Phil Expects Early Spring; His Rivals Also Weigh In

Punxsutawney, PA - Punxsutawney Phil emerged this morning on Gobbler's Knob as a crowd of thousands waited for his meteorological prognostication. The verdict -- an early spring. Phil did not see his shadow.

On Phil's Web site, the forecast was summed up as follows:

El Nino has caused high winds, heavy snow, ice and freezing temperatures in the west.
Here in the East with much mild winter weather we have been blessed.

Global warming has caused a great debate.
This mild winter makes it seem just great.

On this Groundhog Day we think of one thing.
Will we have winter or will we have spring?

On Gobbler's Knob I see no shadow today.
I predict that early spring is on the way.

The forecast from Poor Richard in York contradicts Phil. For pictures of this morning's distinguished event, click here.

At this morning's 79th annual Slumbering Groundhog Lodge event the announcement was made:

"You see my friends, the truth be said, that poor Richard is going to remain in his bed. His prediction is this -- no way to doubt, our winter will continue. Therefore, poor Richard won't come out. We will have six more weeks of winter. Hallelujah!"

Members of the lodge admit that Poor Richard is actually dead and stuffed. But they say his spirit continues providing predictions.

In Lebanon, Uni also predicted six more weeks of winter.
The Sage of Susquehanna Valley, Octorara Orphie, of Lancaster County, also saw his shadow, thus forecasting six more weeks of winter. (Thanks to WGAL for the heads up.)

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First of all, the word is SEX, not GENDER. If you are ever tempted to use the word GENDER, don't. The word is SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! For example: "My sex is male." is correct. "My gender is male." means nothing. Look it up. What kind of sick neo-Puritan nonsense is this? Idiot left-fascists, get your blood-soaked paws off the English language. Hence I am choosing "male" under protest.

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