Allow me to intoduce myself. My name is Al Davis, Football Genius.

I used to hate the Raiders because they were good. Now they are nothing but a sad joke.

The Sporting News: Al Davis is embarrassment-proof
The Raiders' choice as head coach is the co-coordinator of USC's offense, Lane Kiffin. This after his co-coordinating partner, Steve Sarkisian, had been the No. 1 candidate discussed for several days. This is like recruiting Abbott for a month, getting turned down, and immediately choosing Costello. "Hey, you know who would be perfect for this job? Starsky ... that's who ... love that guy. What, he doesn't want it? I meant Hutch … that's who'd be perfect … gimme Hutch."

Al Davis is officially embarrassment-proof. Maybe he always has been, but now it's official; nothing can embarrass the man. There's been plenty that should have done the job over the last six months. First, there's the play of his team. The offense's ineffectiveness was matched only by its apathy. Then you had the hiring and demotion of a bed & breakfast proprietor as O Coordinator. I think we can assume Tom Walsh will be back to serving frittatas in Swan Valley soon.

Davis had to be embarrassed by his photo on the cover of Sporting News magazine last week, didn't he? All you needed was the slab to complete a still shot from Six Feet Under. The man looked like he had absolutely no blood pressure.

And now we have this coaching search, resulting in the choice of Vanilli, after Milli said no. It makes the mind reel, at least my mind anyway, with the possibilities. Here are some possible things that could happen to Al Davis soon, things that probably wouldn't embarrass him either.

Davis accidentally uses the Raiders' No. 1 overall draft pick, intended for LSU QB JaMarcus Russell, on middle-aged actor Kurt Russell. Davis later blames this on having recently seen a re-run of Escape From New York in his hotel room.

In the 2007 season opener Randy Moss lies down on the job … literally … lying down on the field during the first possession. Based on his recent impact on the offense, the broadcasters and fans don't notice until the third play.

Fans in Oakland revolt and storm the Raiders' offices. They capture Davis and drag him through the streets by his ankles.
A new candid picture of Al makes another Sporting News cover … this one featuring him on his personal silver & black toilet, wearing only the top half of a sundress.

Nope … I bet those wouldn't do the trick. You have to admire the man in some ways, soldiering on in a game that has passed him by like a train does a tricycle.

Let's all embrace the Lane Kiffin era together.