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Friday, January 12, 2007

Fyodor's Pro Football Playoff Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.

Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.



Saturday 1/13


Indianapolis (+3.5) at Baltimore
Everybody is picking the Ravens, so I'll take the Colts and the points.
FINAL: Colts 15 Ravens 6 - Fyodor wins! (Heehee!)


Philadelphia (+5) at New Orleans
The Eagles run ends here. (They will miss Lito mightily.) But they will keep it close. Take Philly and the points.
FINAL: Saints 27 Eagles 24 - Fyodor wins! (Eagle fans don't know it, but their team had one heck of a late run. It wasn't Coach Reid's fault alone. The Birds just ran out of gas and luck. The good news? Comcast Sports Philly viewers won't have to see and hear the arch-moron Slow Eddie Rendell pretend he knows something about football every week.)


Sunday 1/14


Seattle (+8.5) at Chicago
There is no way I would bet a Rex Grossman-led team covers an 8.5 point spread in a playoff game, even if it is in Chicago. Take the Seahawks and the points.
FINAL: Bears 27 Seahawks 24 - Fyodor wins! (The Bears must play much better to keep up with the Saints next week...Oh, yeah...Thanks to the refs, the Seahawks are now The Best Team To Lose To Rex Grossman Twice In One Season.)


New England (+5) at San Diego
I can't go against the Patriots here, even though I think LT will dominate the game. Pick the Pats and the points.
FINAL: Patriots 24 Chargers 21 - Fyodor wins! (The Chargers self-destructed, and it wasn't just Marty's fault, kiddies. Colts fans may regret wishing so hard for another home playoff game - San Diego looked much more vulnerable than New England. Next week's key matchup? Dwight Freeney versus Tom Brady.)

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First of all, the word is SEX, not GENDER. If you are ever tempted to use the word GENDER, don't. The word is SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! For example: "My sex is male." is correct. "My gender is male." means nothing. Look it up. What kind of sick neo-Puritan nonsense is this? Idiot left-fascists, get your blood-soaked paws off the English language. Hence I am choosing "male" under protest.

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