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"Let no freedom be allowed to novelty, because it is not fitting that any addition should be made to antiquity. Let not the clear faith and belief of our forefathers be fouled by any muddy admixture." -- Pope Sixtus III

Friday, December 29, 2006

Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.

Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.


Saturday 12/30


NY Giants (-2.5) at Washington
I'll take the Redskins because the Giants have given up.
FINAL: Giants 34 Redskins 28 - Fyodor loses!


Sunday 12/31


Carolina (+3) at New Orleans
Why not root for the Saints? Take New Orleans.
FINAL: Panthers 31 Saints 21 - Fyodor loses!


Cleveland (+4) at Houston
Have you seen how the road teams have been tearing it up in the NFL lately? Ha! Pick the Texans.
FINAL: Texans 14 Browns 6 - Fyodor wins!


Detroit (+13) at Dallas
Too big a number for the whiners from Dallas to cover. Take Detroit and the points.
FINAL: Lions 39(!) Cowboys 31 - Fyodor wins! (Heehee!)


Jacksonville (+2) at Kansas City
I'm rolling the dice with the Chiefs at home.
FINAL: Chiefs 35 Jaguars 30 - Fyodor wins!



New England (+3) at Tennessee
It was unthinkable a couple of months ago! I'm picking the Titans!
FINAL: Patriots 40 Titans 23 - Fyodor loses! (Beware the Patriots in the playoffs, kiddies.)


Oakland (+12.5) at NY Jets
Pick the Jets to win because they must. Pick them to cover the big number because the Raiders stink out loud.
FINAL: Jets 23 Raiders 3 - Fyodor wins!


Pittsburgh (+6) at Cincinnati
Beware of teams with nothing to gain by winning. Take the Bengals.
FINAL: Steelers 23 Bengals 17 - Fyodor loses! (Heehee!)
P.S. Thanks Coach Cowher...but when you come back with the Browns you will be shown no mercy.


Seattle (+3) at Tampa Bay
The Greatest Team Never To Win A SuperBowl loses again! Take the Bucs.
FINAL: Seahawks 23 Buccaneers 7 - Fyodor loses! (The NFL refs are going to make for last year's conspiracy against Seattle with a conspiracy in favor of them this year.)


St. Louis (-2.5) at Minnesota
Who cares? Pick the Rams to cover as a road favorite.
FINAL: Rams 41 Vikings 21 - Fyodor wins!



Atlanta (+8) at Philadelphia
McWho? Take the Eagles.
FINAL: Eagles 24 Falcons 17 - Fyodor loses! (Stupid non-covering Eagles! Bye-bye Jim the Younger.)


Buffalo (+9) at Baltimore
The Ravens have found some O. Pick Baltimore.
FINAL: Ravens 19 Bills 7 - Fyodor wins!


Miami (+9) at Indianapolis
The Colts may snap out of it this week, but I would not bet on it. Take Miami and the points.
FINAL: Colts 27 Dolphins 22 - Fyodor wins!


Arizona (+13.5) at San Diego
Too big a spread. Take the Cards and the points.
FINAL: Chargers 27 Cardinals 20 - Fyodor wins! (Bye-bye, Denny.)


San Francisco (+10.5) at Denver
This is another large number, but the Broncos need to win. Take Denver.
FINAL: 49ers 26 Broncos 23 - Fyodor loses! (Ouch!)

NO MONDAY NIGHT GAME THIS WEEK.

Green Bay (+3) at Chicago
Upset Special! Take the Packers.
FINAL: Packers 26 Bears 7 - Fyodor wins! (Thanks, Brett, and good luck. Thanks for playing, Rex. You can pick upyour consolation prize on your way out.)

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First of all, the word is SEX, not GENDER. If you are ever tempted to use the word GENDER, don't. The word is SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! For example: "My sex is male." is correct. "My gender is male." means nothing. Look it up. What kind of sick neo-Puritan nonsense is this? Idiot left-fascists, get your blood-soaked paws off the English language. Hence I am choosing "male" under protest.

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