Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.

Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.


Thursday 12/6


Cleveland (+7.5) at Pittsburgh
The Steelers continue to screw up next year's draft position by winning again. But they don't cover. Take the Browns and the points.
FINAL: Steelers 27 Browns 7 - Fyodor loses! (For a couple of hours it seemed like last season...)

Sunday 12/10


Atlanta (-3) at Tampa Bay
Another UP week for the man with the expressive fingers. Take Atlanta on the road.
FINAL: Falcons 17 Buccaneers 6 - Fyodor wins! (Opposite, schmopposite!)


Baltimore (+3) at Kansas City
Hmmm...an interesting spread. (A word to the wise: avoid interesting point spreads like the plague.) I'll take the Ravens.
FINAL: Ravens 20 Chiefs 10 - Fyodor wins!


Indianapolis (-2) at Jacksonville
Colts need to bounce back. Pick the Colts on the road. (I am picking way too many road teams. This week could be a disaster.)
FINAL: Jaguars 44 (!) Colts 17 - Fyodor loses! (WOW.)


Minnesota (+1.5) at Detroit
I can't believe I'm picking the Lions to cover, but I am.
FINAL: Vikings 30 Lions 20 - Fyodor loses! (What was I thinking?)


New England (-3.5) at Miami
I must go with Brady to cover on the road. (I am a sick, sick, man.) Pick New England.
FINAL: Dolphins 21 Patriots 0 (!) - Fyodor loses! (Wowee wow wow.)


NY Giants (+3) at Carolina
The Which Teams Will Show Up This Week Bowl. If Wenke starts for the Panthers, I will scream. Take Carolina.
FINAL: Giants 27 Panthers 13 - Fyodor loses! (Aggggggggghhhhhhhh! Wenke!)


Oakland (+11) at Cincinnati
I'll take the Raiders and the points because all the Bengals are in jail.
FINAL: Bengals 27 Raiders 10 - Fyodor loses! (That's what I get for picking Oakland.)


Philadelphia (-1) at Washington
The Crummy Game of the Week! The Eagles are slightly less crummy. Pick Philly to cover.
FINAL: Eagles 21 Redskins 19 - Fyodor wins! (Actually, Garcia looks pretty good...)


Tennessee (+1.5) at Houston
All pile on the Vince Young bandwagon! Take the Titans to cover. FINAL: Titans 26 Texans 20 - Fyodor wins! (Is David Carr officially a bust?)


Green Bay (+4) at San Francisco
I'll take the 49ers at home.
FINAL: Packers 30 49ers 19 - Fyodor loses!


Seattle (-3.5) at Arizona
Another NFC West snorefest. Pick the Seahawks.
FINAL: Cardinals 27 Seahawks 21 - Fyodor loses! (The refs, obviously.)


Buffalo (+3.5) at NY Jets
I can't take the Bills, so I will pick New York unenthusiastically.
FINAL: Bills 31 Jets 13 - Fyodor loses! (The Jets come up really, really, small.)


Denver (+7) at San Diego
Cutler can't cut it yet. Go with the Chargers.
FINAL: Chargers 48 Broncos 20 - Fyodor wins!


New Orleans (+6.5) at Dallas
Take the Saints and the points.
FINAL: Saints 42 Cowboys 17 - Fyodor wins!


Monday 12/11


Chicago (-6) at St. Louis
Who's worse than Rex Grossman? The Rams, that's who. Pick the Bears.
FINAL: Bears 42 Rams 27 - Fyodor wins!