Congrats to the lucky bastards from the Land of Perpetual Depression, Alcoholism, and Suicide!

Or, is that Finland?

AP: Norway ranked as best country to live in

OSLO, Norway - The United Nations (Uh-oh. Those are the guys in the funny blue helmets that rape little African girls for the fun of it. They aren't exactly Michelin, kiddies. - F.G.) ranked Norway as the best country to live in for a sixth consecutive year Thursday, prompting the country's aid minister to tell Norwegians to stop whining about wanting more.

Yeah! Norway, love it or leave it, you hippies.

Oil-rich Norway, with its generous welfare state, topped the U.N. Development Program's human development index, based on such criteria as life expectancy, education and income. Iceland was No. 2, followed by Australia, Ireland, Sweden, Canada, Japan and the United States.

Ireland and Canada? Heehee! And Sweden is just Norway with a better PR firm.

Only yesterday, Japan banned the sale of used underwear from vending machines.

Iceland may or may not exist. It is the international community's equivalent of a moderate mohammedan.

Despite wealth, high levels of education, low unemployment, and an economic boom, Norwegians often complain of high taxes (High taxes? No way! Say it ain't so, Quisling! - F.G.) and of weaknesses in their cradle-to-grave welfare state, such as waiting lists at hospitals and a shortage of public care for both children and the elderly.

Hmmm...

Children can't vote and can't pay confiscatory tax rates, so we don't care if they die. Old people are net consumers of tax revenue and therefore have outlived their usefulness to the State. No medical treatment for them, either.

"There are unsolved problems in Norway, but let us battle this culture of whining, and look at the future with optimism," Aid Minister Erik Solheim was quoted as saying in an interview with the Norwegian news agency NTB.

Instant translation: Don't worry. Be happy. Or else.

According to the study, Norwegians earn 40 times more than the study's lowest- ranked country, Niger, live almost twice as long, and have nearly five times the literacy rate.

If Nigerians come from Nigeria, what are people from Niger called? Besides poor, I mean.

Solheim said instead of complaining, Norwegians should work on solving those problems, and to share their wealth with poorer countries. Norway is already one of the world's most generous foreign aid donors per capita, giving nearly 1 percent of its gross national product.

Let me get this straight...

You take all the money they earn and use it to keep yourself in power by promising everyone their neighbors will be no better off than they are. Then, when people do complain about your high-class Ponzi scheme, you tell them to shut up and give the few pennies, or farthings, or kopecks they have left to some other kleptocratic regime?

Brilliant!

"The top place should make us show humility," said Solheim in the NTB interview. "Norway should be seen as a modern, rich and successful society, but should also be seen as a generous country. The world must see us as rich and generous, not rich and miserly."

Norway, a nation of 4.6 million people, is the world's third-largest oil exporter, after Saudi Arabia.

And...?

The five countries with the lowest scores were Guinea-Bissau in 173rd place, Burkina Faso as 174, Mali as 175, Sierra Leone as 176, and Niger 177. The report was unable to rank 17 countries, such as Iraq, Afghanistan and Somalia, because there was insufficient data.