Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.

Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.


Sunday 10/1


Arizona (+7.5) at Atlanta
The Falcons bounce back and beat the spread at home.
FINAL: Falcons 32 Cardinals 10 - Fyodor wins!


Dallas (-9.5) at Tennessee
The Cowboys ignore the T.O. soap opera and pound the Titans. Pick Dallas. FINAL: Cowboys 45 Titans 14 - Fyodor wins! (Yep.)


Indianapolis (-9) at N.Y. Jets
I'm taking the Jets and the points! (Remember, I'm an idiot!)
FINAL: Colts 31 Jets 28 - Fyodor wins! (Heehee.)


Miami (-3.5) at Houston
The Texans will make the Dolphins look good. Pick Miami.
FINAL: Texans 17 Dolphins 15 - Fyodor loses! (Miami stinks!)


Minnesota (+1) at Buffalo
This should be a good game. I want the Bills to win, therefore they will.
FINAL: Bills 17 Vikings 12 - Fyodor wins! (Yippee!)


New Orleans (+7) at Carolina
I'm betting there is some residual magic left in New Orleans. Take the Saints and the points.
FINAL: Panthers 21 Saints 18 - Fyodor wins!


San Diego (-2.5) at Baltimore
I'm picking the road favorite because the Ravens got lucky last week. Let's see how good Rivers is.
FINAL: Ravens 16 Chargers 13 - Fyodor loses! (#*&!!#@##$%^&!!!!!*! Marty Ball!)


San Francisco (+7) at Kansas City
The Chiefs owe us a good game. Take Kansas City.
FINAL: Chiefs 41 49ers 0 - Fyodor wins!


Detroit (+5.5) at St. Louis
The Rams are inconsistent, but the Lions stink out loud. Pick the Rams.
FINAL: Rams 41 Lions 34 - Fyodor wins!


Cleveland (-2.5) at Oakland
This is the Who Cares? Game of the Week! Since the Browns showed some life last week, I'll pick them over the comatose Raiders.
FINAL: Browns 24 Oakland 21 - Fyodor wins!


Jacksonville (-3) at Washington
The Jaguars. Big time. Really big time.
FINAL: Redskins 36 Jaguars 30 - Fyodor loses! (Where did Washington get all those points?)


New England (+6) at Cincinnati
I know they are not the Patriots of yesteryear, but I'm getting 6 points!!! Pick the Patriots!
FINAL: Patriots 38 Bengals 13 - Fyodor wins! (HEEHEE!)


Seattle (+3.5) at Chicago
No Alexander means Chicago wins this one by 7. And the refs want the Seahawks to lose. Never forget that, kiddies.
FINAL: Bears 37 Seahawks 6 - Fyodor wins! (The refs steal another one from The Greatest Team Never To Win A Super Bowl.)


Monday 10/2


Green Bay (+11) at Philadelphia
Take the Eagles to cover the big number.
FINAL: Eagles 39 Packers 9 - Fyodor wins! (Thank goodness Favre retired and spared us the sight of him as a pathetic loser.)