Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.
Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.



Sunday 9/17



Buffalo (+6) at Miami
I'm going with the Bills to keep it close. Take Buffalo and the points.
FINAL: Bills 16 Dolphins 6 - Fyodor wins! (A great start to the week. I feel confident in my prognosticating.)



Carolina (-1) at Minnesota
They're begging me to pick the Vikings. Take the Panthers to cover.
FINAL: Vikings 16 Panthers 13 - Fyodor loses! (What was Coach Fox thinking with that lateral on the punt return?)



Cleveland (+10.5) at Cincinnati
Do you know how big this number is for an NFL game? It is too big even for a team playing the Browns. Pick Cleveland.
FINAL: Bengals 34 Browns 17 - Fyodor loses! (What was I thinking?)


Detroit (+9) at Chicago
Detroit can't score and Chicago is overrated. Take the Bears because they'll win 10 - 0.
FINAL: Bears 34 Lions 7 - Fyodor wins! (What has gotten into Rex Grossman and will it stay? Amy, my favorite Bears fan, should not hold her breath.)



Houston (+13.5) at Indianapolis
WOW! 13.5 points! If anyone can do it, it is the Colts. But they won't do it. Take the Texans and the points.
FINAL: Colts 43 Texans 24 - Fyodor loses! (Uh oh...)



New Orleans (-2) at Green Bay
This is my Bret Favre's Career Memorial Pick of the Year. Pick the Packers and the points.
FINAL: Saints 34 Packers 27 - Fyodor loses! (Ack!)



New York Giants (+3) at Philadelphia
I'll take the Giants and the points.
FINAL: Giants 30 Eagles 24 - Fyodor loses! (Thanks, Eagles, for gagging on that 17 point lead. And what did McNabb think he was doing out there?)



Oakland (+12) at Baltimore
Joe Six-Pack Parlay has bet this line up from 9 to 12. The Raiders are horrible and I hate to pick them, but I have one of my famous hunches. Take Oakland and all those points.
FINAL: Ravens 28 Raiders 6 - Fyodor loses! (Stupid hunches.)



Tampa Bay (+5.5) at Atlanta
The Bucs always find a way to stop Mr. Vick. Pick Tampa and the points.
FINAL: Falcons 14 Buccaneers 3 - Fyodor loses! (Will Simms the Younger grow up to be an NFL QB?)



Arizona (+7) at Seattle
Despite the refs' conspiracy against them, the Seahawks will cover.
FINAL: Seahawks 21 Cardinals 10 - Fyodor wins!



St. Louis (-3) at San Francisco
This line looks too good to be true, but I think the 49ers only played Arizona last week, and that shouldn't really count as a good performance. Take the Rams to cover easily.
FINAL: 49ers 20 Rams 13 - Fyodor loses! (Ack!)



Kansas City (+11) at Denver
Damon Huard? I wouldn't bet this game with Senator Murder's money, but just for fun, I'll take Denver to cover the huge spread.
FINAL: Broncos 9 Chiefs 6 - Fyodor loses!


New England (-6) at New York Jets
I'll pick the Pats to cover.
FINAL: Patriots 24 Jets 17 - Fyodor wins!



Tennessee (+12) at San Diego
Collins versus Rivers? Crummy Game of the Week! Pick the Titans and the points.
FINAL: Chargers 40 Titans 7 - Fyodor loses! (Well, it was crummy...)


Washington (+6) at Dallas
Take the Redskins and the points. Dallas still has T.O., you know. And Drew Bledsoe.
FINAL: Cowboys 27 Redskins 10 - Fyodor loses!


Monday 9/18


Pittsburgh (-2) at Jacksonville
Big Ben might play, but it does not really matter. The Jaguars will quickly realize they are not playing against the Dallas D. Pick Pittsburgh. (BTW, why can't we have two games every Monday night?)
FINAL: Jaguars 9 Steelers 0 - Fyodor loses! (Let us hope Roethlisberger had all the rust knocked off him last night. Coming up: A division battle against the Bengals.)