One last mind-boggling Perfidious Albion post.

Nursery children must stay inside to protect neighbour's rights

A nursery has been forced to keep youngsters indoors after a council threatened it with legal action following a complaint about the noise its children made.

Children will only be allowed outside for two half-hour periods, the Wendy house must be carpeted to reduce noise, and games such as What's the Time, Mr Wolf? can no longer be played outdoors.

If the pre-school nursery fails to comply, council enforcement officers plan to serve a noise abatement order.

For 50 years children have gathered at the Memorial Hall in Locks Heath, Hants. But the future of the Jigsaw Nursery is in doubt after a nearby resident, Jim Habens, objected to the noise coming from a new outside play area built with donations from parents.

Mr Habens, 60, who runs a bed and breakfast from his bungalow, said: "I have complained because I have human rights as well as anyone else."
His wife Barbara said: "We are very pleased with the way the council has dealt with this."

Sally Pratt, the co-supervisor at the nursery, which opens four days a week and caters for 70 children aged between two and five, said the reduction in facilities caused by the threat of enforcement could lead to it receiving a poor Ofsted report.

She said: "We have had ongoing problems with the gentleman in the bungalow for some time, saying the children are being a nuisance. The chairman of the hall and myself went to see him in the summer and we complied with everything he asked for.

"But within a couple of weeks we received a letter telling us the environmental health had been called in."

Children playing is an "environmental health" issue? I guess we should be thankful the council hasn't ordered retroactive abortions. Yet.

Her colleague Amanda Adams said: "Mr Habens has plagued us with complaints about the children, but it is just them laughing."

She said that learning through play was an important part of a child's development.

To prevent an order being served the nursery has had to agree to additional restrictions. It must keep children inside, except for the two 30-minute playtimes. If an order is imposed, failure to comply can lead to fines of up to £20,000.

Mrs Pratt said: "All the parents are up in arms about it. I don't see how anyone could have a problem with little children laughing and playing outside."

Julie Diggens, the chairman of Jigsaw, said: "It is very upsetting. We are putting all the effort and the hard work into fund-raising to make this a fantastic garden for them, full of different areas, and they will not get the use out of it. It is like having the children kept in a prison."

Karen Spicer, whose son Owen, three, attends the nursery, said: "I think it is really sad. When I was looking around for pre-schools it was a real bonus for Jigsaw to have the garden. It was at the top of my list."

The garden features a Wendy house, climbing frames, a sand pit and several large toys.

Well, that certainly is a terrifying list of impositions upon the neighbors.

Catherine Carter, 32, a nursery school committee member, said: "It's not like this is a new thing - there's been something like this here since the 1950s."

Nicky Baker of The Pre-School Learning Alliance, the national charity supporting nursery schools, said the organisation was sympathetic to the problems faced by Jigsaw.

"It has done everything it can to keep the noise down and help with this problem. I've never heard of anything like this before."

However, she said the restrictions could have a big impact on the nursery. "In future Ofsted is only going to be granting permission to groups that can provide outside play," she said.

A council spokesman said it had a duty to investigate. "We think 30 minutes a session is a way forward. It is all about management."

Noise level tests were carried out by an inspector in September. Heather Cusack, the principal environmental health officer for pollution for Fareham borough council, said: "At this stage nothing formal has been done.

Why don't they connect decibel meters to electric dog collars and put them on the kiddies? When they make too much noise, ZZZZAP!

"But if people don't react to what we are saying there is a likelihood that an order will be served."

Brian Bayford, the borough councillor with responsibility for environmental issues, said: "It is unfortunate when it's just one neighbour. But if anyone is causing a noise nuisance, and it is unacceptable or above a certain limit, this is the process.

"Laws get made and it is the responsibility of the council to take action on that."

Saith the fascist.