ScrappleFace gets it.

Dean: Celebrate 2,000th Iraq Death with Dignity
by Scott Ott

(2005-10-25) -- Democrat National Committee Chairman Howard Dean urged party members to "restrain their joy" during nationwide celebrations of the 2,000th American fatality of the Iraq war, "out of respect for the untold thousands who have been killed by our troops."

"These American military dead are not just names on a list," Mr. Dean said. "Behind many of those names we can feel the loss of the grieving families of Arab freedom fighters who mourn their dearly-departed insurgents."

In an email to Democrat party members, Mr. Dean suggested that local celebrations of the grim milestone include "a moment of non-sectarian silence before the champagne corks start popping."

At the end of his note, the DNC chief added, "P.S. -- I hope the 2000 celebration helps us all to look forward eagerly to 2008."
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Bush: Miers Views Not Clouded by Legal Scholarship
by Scott Ott

(2005-10-25) -- As part of a third White House strategy to prop up the Supreme Court nomination of Harriet Miers, President George Bush announced today that Miss Miers is not "intellectually burdened" with detailed knowledge of the opinions of legal scholars regarding the Constitution.

"Justice Harriet Miers will read the Constitution like I would," said the president. "I want someone who has a fresh perspective on the actual words of the document, rather than on what Chief Justice Earl Warren Burger wrote in 1812."

Meanwhile, White House sources said, Miss Miers "pulled an all-nighter" preparing responses to a follow-up questionnaire from the Senate Judiciary Committee due today.

The nominee reportedly consulted several familiar legal reference works, including Cliffs Notes, U.S. Constitution for Dummies and the Schoolhouse Rock video on American history.

"I think the Judiciary Committee will find that Miss Miers is quite familiar with the Constitution," Mr. Bush said. "During the vetting process, she actually sang the Preamble, which really impressed us. Even Chief Justice John Roberts didn't do that."
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