Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the spreads are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.

Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were that good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.


Sunday 9/11


Denver (-4) at Miami
Two teams with bad QBs. Miami's are worse. Take Denver to cover.
FINAL: Miami 34 Denver 10 - Fyodor loses! (My apologies to Gus Frerotte.)

Cincinnati (-3.5) at Cleveland
Browns bad, Bengals better. Bengals cover.
FINAL: Cincinnati 27 Cleveland 13 - Fyodor wins!

Houston (+5.5) at Buffalo
Buffalo's defense at home. Houston still looks like an expansion team. Take the Bills.
FINAL: Buffalo 22 Houston 7 - Fyodor wins!

Tennessee (+7) at Pittsburgh
Sophomore slump for Big Ben, injured Bus and Duce, shaky secondary...I hate to say it, but take Tennessee and the points.
Final: Steelers 34 Titans 7 - Fyodor loses! (What Was I Thinking? Game of The Week. Apologies to Ben and Willie Parker.)

Chicago (+5.5) at Washington
Who cares? Gamblers do. This is my Crappy Game of the Week. Take the Redskins, if you must.
FINAL: Washington 9 Chicago 7 - Fyodor wins! (Crappy. I warned you.)

New Orleans (+7) at Carolina
Saints have played well in Carolina recently. That's all I have. Pick New Orleans.
Final: New Orleans 23 Carolina 20 - Fyodor wins!

Tampa Bay (+6) at Minnesota
I'm guessing Minnesota is a better team without Randy Moss. Take the Vikings to cover.
FINAL: Tampa Bay 24 Minnesota 13 - Fyodor loses!

Seattle (+3) at Jacksonville
I like Leftwich, but I'll take Seattle and the road upset. Seahawks should win outright.
FINAL: Jacksonville 26 Seattle 14 - Fyodor loses! (Somebody shoot me with a tranq dart next time I try to pick Seattle on the road.)

Jets (+3) at Kansas City
Has Pennington healed? Can those Browns in Chiefs clothing stop anybody? I'll take KC to cover the 3.
FINAL: Kansas City 27 Jets 7 - Fyodor wins! (What's wrong with Pennington's arm?)

Arizona (+3) at Giants
Giants win, but don't cover. Take Arizona and the points.
FINAL: Giants 42 Arizona 19 - Fyodor loses! (The other Manning looked good. Kurt Warner, not so much. That's why they call it gambling.)

St. Louis (-6) at San Francisco
Why is this spread so small? Have the Rams sunk this low? Do the wise guys in Vegas know something about the 49ers that Fyodor doesn't? Take St. Louis.
FINAL: San Francisco 28 St. Louis 25 - Fyodor loses! (Stinkin' oddsmakers!)

Green Bay (+3) at Detroit
The Packers may have the worst defense in the league. (Remember how they finished last year? And they lost Sharper to boot.) I'll take the improving Lions to cover at home.
FINAL: Detroit 17 Green Bay 3 - Fyodor wins!

Dallas (+4.5) at San Diego
LT lights up the lives of fantasy football geeks everywhere. Chargers cover easily.
FINAL: Dallas 28 San Diego 24 - Fyodor loses! (It would not have mattered to the point spread players, but why didn't SD run LT at the goal line once at the end? They had a timeout left. Draw play, anyone?)

Indianapolis (-3) at Baltimore
Ray Lewis is aging quickly and Kyle Boller still hasn't proved he can play QB in the NFL. Take the Colts.
FINAL: Indianapolis 24 Baltimore 7 - Fyodor wins! (Thank goodness the Ravens have Super Genius Coach Billick or they might have lost 24 to 0.)


Monday 9/12


Philadelphia (-1) at Atlanta
When he's on the field, T.O. plays. And McNabb is still better than Michael "Mike" Vick. Take the Eagles.
FINAL: Atlanta 14 Philadelphia 10 - Fyodor loses! (The Eagles are going to have to find some offense. Memo to Mr. Trotter: What were you thinking?)