Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.

Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.


Thursday 11/23

Miami (-2.5) at Detroit
Miami is improving and Detroit isn't. Pick the Dolphins.
FINAL: Dolphins 27 Lions 10 -Fyodor wins!


Tampa Bay (+11) at Dallas
The Cowboys are improving and...oh, you know the rest. Take Dallas.
FINAL: Cowbwoys 38 Buccanneers 10 - Fyodor wins!

Denver (+1) at Kansas City
The first NFL Network game! Call your cable provider...oh, you know the rest. Take the Broncos and the point.
FINAL: Chiefs 19 Broncos 10 - Fyodor loses! (Look, everybody! Jake Plummers's back!)

Sunday 11/26

Arizona (+6.5) at Minnesota
The Crummy Game of the Week! I'll take the Vikes at home.
FINAL: Vikings 31 Cardinals 26 - Fyodor loses!


Carolina (-4.5) at Washington
This spread is suspiciously small. Nonetheless, I will take the Panthers to cover.
FINAL: Redskins 17 Panthers 13 - Fyodor loses! (Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!)


Cincinnati (-3) at Cleveland
Again, a small number. Does somebody other than me know something I don't? Nah...take the Bengals.
FINAL: Bengals 30 Browns 0 - Fyodor wins!


Houston (+6) at NY Jets
It is not REPEAT NOT time to jump on the Texans' bandwagon. Take the Jets at home.
FINAL: Jets 26 Texans 11 - Fyodor wins!


Jacksonville (-3) at Buffalo
The Jaguars? A Young QB and Darius out for the year. The Bills? Wallowing in their own filth. (Yeah, that was a little harsh, but I'm tired of saving all my harshness for the Raiders.) Pick Jacksonville.
FINAL: Bills 27 Jaguars 24 - Fyodor loses! (Ack!)


New Orleans (+3) at Atlanta
I'm guessing Mr. Vick is DOWN this week. Take New Orleans and the points.
FINAL: Saints 31 Falcons 13 - Fyodor wins! (I'm sure the good folks of Atlanta can tell Mr. Vick where he can put those fingers of his.)


Pittsburgh (+3) at Baltimore
As a certified Steeler fan, I must go nuts for my team even though I know they won't make the playoffs. Take the Steelers...Oh, yeah...and the points, though you won't need them!
FINAL: Ravens 27 Steelers 0 - Fyodor loses! (Steelers' 2008 NFL Draft needs: 1) Offensive line. 2) Cornerback. 3) Defensive line. 4) Running back.)


San Francisco (+6) at St. Louis
Just take the 49ers. That's all I have to say. (Stinking NFC West.) FINAL: Rams 20 49ers 17 - Fyodor wins! (It's a miracle!)



Oakland (+13.5) at San Diego
The bad news? 13.5. The good news? The Raiders. Take the Chargers to cover.
FINAL: Chargers 21 Raiders 14 - Fyodor loses!


Chicago (+3) at New England
The Bears need this one to prove they are for real. Pick New England.
FINAL: Patriots 17 Bears 13 - Fyodor wins!


NY Giants (-3) at Tennessee
Just for a lark, I'll take the Titans.
FINAL: Titans 24 Giants 21 - Fyodor wins! (Heehee!)


Philadelphia (+9) at Indianapolis
No McNabb, no running game, no hope. Take the Colts.
FINAL: Colts 45 Eagles 21 - Fyodor wins! (The Jeff Garcia Era in Philly continues apace...)

Monday 11/27


Green Bay (+9) at Seattle
It's the Who Knows and Who Cares Bowl! I'll take Green Bay and the points because, in case you haven't heard, the refs are out to get the Seahawks.
FINAL: Seahawks 34 Packers 24 - Fyodor loses! (Thank goodness Brett Favre retired! It would be a shame for him to live through this disaster...)