From The Death Of The West Department:

I gave up on Springsteen years ago, right after I found out he was was going to do a fundraising concert for the Christic Institute. (Note to Bruce: Next time, to save money and time. Cut out the middle man and simply rape, kill, and eat your neighbors yourself.)

But this promises to be an absolute hoot and a half.

Organizers of "Glory Days: A Bruce Springsteen Symposium" expect more than 270 educators, music historians and Springsteen enthusiasts to attend the three-day event starting Sept. 9 at Monmouth University in West Long Branch, N.J.

The event is the brainchild of Mark Bernhard, a Penn State University conference planner who describes himself as a "Springsteen nut," having attended 32 of the Boss' concerts since 1985.

Some weighty topics are on the agenda, such as the influence of Springsteen's music on Catholicism (?????) and the Vietnam Veterans movement and a panel discussion on the rock star's storytelling techniques.

Individual presentations include one entitled "Shedding Light on the Darkness: Springsteen and the Art of Psychotherapy." Others attempt to compare Springsteen's lyrical prowess to literary heavyweights like William Shakespeare, Walt Whitman and Samuel Beckett.

The depth and breadth of the ignorance on display is truly awe-inspiring.

"I'm combining my passion with my job," said Bernhard, 38, who first saw Springsteen during the "Born in the USA" tour. Springsteen's music "is a daily part of my life."

A phone call and e-mail message seeking comment from Springsteen's representative in New York was not immediately returned on Thursday. Springsteen has not authorized the event, Bernhard said.

But Bernhard hopes he might bump into the Boss at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park, N.J., which is a stop on the symposium schedule. Springsteen is known to occasionally drop in on his former stomping ground for spontaneous gigs.

"If he's around, there will always be hope that he will unofficially pop in," Bernhard said.