Water sports.

Sorry, kiddies. This is sad, not funny.

From Cincinnati.com:

Cops: Man had sex with inflatable pool raft

A repeat public indecency offender has been arrested for allegedly engaging in "sexual activity" with a pink inflatable swimming pool raft, according to Hamilton police.

Edwin Charles Tobergta, 32, was arrested at his Harmon Avenue home early Sunday after he was spotted in the act in an alley in the 1800 block of Howell Avenue behind a residence, a police report shows.

A male witness, who owns the raft and lives in the home near the alley, told Hamilton Police Officer William Thacker he shouted at the suspect to stop.

Tobergta took the raft and fled, the report states.

When police caught up with him, he admitted to the crime and begged for help, according to police.

"Defendant advised officers that he was doing it but only because he has a problem and that he needs help and please don't send him to prison but send him somewhere to get help," the report reads.

Tobergta, who remains at the Hamilton city jail, had been arrested at least five times for similar offenses, most recently in 2008, Hamilton Municipal Court records state.

Tobergta’s grandmother, Linda Tobergta, cried as she explained to a reporter Wednesday how the family has tried to seek mental care for her grandson over the years, to no avail. He suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and has abused his medication in the past, she said.

“He has a lot of mental problems and he’s always had a fascination for plastic,” she said. “That’s just it. That’s all of it. We never could get the proper care for Edwin. It’s like nobody cares.”

Some problems require more than medication...