Winston Smith, call your office.

From The Daily Caller:

Obama creates U.S. Department of Department Creation

Just kidding. That’ll be next. First we need the following. NYT:

On Aug. 5, in a move that went virtually unnoticed amid the clamor over a rating agency’s downgrading of United States debt, the administration announced a new jobs program for veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. Mr. Obama called it a “reverse boot camp,” intended to retrain veterans for civilian jobs. Part of the program would include a “returning hero tax credit” for companies that hire unemployed disabled veterans.

The administration may also merge the Department of Commerce, the Office of the United States Trade Representative and some economic divisions at the State Department into a new agency, administration officials said. Possible names include the Department of Jobs or the Department of Competitiveness.

Well, that makes sense. If people need jobs, just create a Department of Jobs. Here’s how it works:

• Phase 1: Create Department of Jobs
• Phase 2: ?
• Phase 3: Jobs!

This makes perfect sense to the geniuses who think food stamps are stimulative and that breaking windows creates jobs. And when none of their ideas work in the real world, they can just blame teabaggers, Rethuglicans, Bush, the Koch Brothers, Rush Limbaugh, Rick Perry, or whoever else they’ve chosen to be the Emmanuel Goldstein for that particular two minutes. Blame an earthquake. Blame an oil spill. Take a page from Rob & Fab and blame it on the rain. Blame it on Rio. Blame whoever or whatever you have to. Just don’t ever, ever, ever admit that what you’re trying to do isn’t working.

And anybody who doesn’t like it can just shut up. That means you. Shut up!

P.S. Oh yeah, and Obama is creating jobs for the makers of the bottled water and lozenges that soothe his scratchy throat from giving all those speeches. Consider the problem fixed, America:

President Obama will deliver a major speech on the economy shortly after Labor Day, White House officials tell ABC News.

The president will propose a package to help boost the economy and to reduce the deficit. The speech will detail new ideas, an official said, “a series of meaningful new jobs and growth initiatives.”

It’s a major speech because Obama is the one giving it. And it will contain specifics because Obama is claiming it will. Don’t give me that look. Remember the part about you shutting up?