Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.

Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.


Sunday 9/24


Carolina (-3) at Tampa Bay
A must-win for both teams. The Panthers have better players. Pick Carolina.
FINAL: Panthers 26 Buccaneers 24 - Fyodor loses! (Please pray for Chris Simms. His spleen was ruptured sometime during the game.)


Chicago (-3) at Minnesota
This could be the best game of the week. Even though they'll be on the road, in a dome, and playing on plastic, I'll take the Bears.
FINAL: Bears 19 Vikings 16 - PUSH!


Cincinnati (+2) at Pittsburgh
I'm picking the Steelers only because they are at home. I fear their running game is going to be a problem.
FINAL: Bengals 28 Steelers 20 - Fyodor loses! (Turnovers kill, kiddies...BTW, is that a whiff of championship complacency I smell?)

Green Bay (+6.5) at Detroit
The Crummy Game of the Week! Pick the Packers and the points.
FINAL: Packers 31 Lions 24 - Fyodor wins!

Jacksonville (+7) at Indianapolis
The Jaguars are a popular pick, and Indy can't run the ball, but I'll take the Colts to cover the 7.
FINAL: Colts 21 Jaguars 14 - PUSH!


New York Jets (+5.5) at Buffalo
I'll take the Jets and the points.
FINAL: Jets 28 Buffalo 20 - Fyodor wins!


Tennessee (+10.5) at Miami
Another crummy game. At least Miami has a QB who might do something right. Still, the spread is too big. (I'm thinking 9 to 6, Dolphins.) Take the Titans and the points.
FINAL: Dolphins 13 Titans 10 - Fyodor wins!


Washington (-4) at Houston
The Redskins must win this game. Thank goodness I don't have to put any money where my keyboard is. Pick Washington.
FINAL: Redskins 31 Texans 15 - Fyodor wins!


Baltimore (-6.5) at Cleveland
The Ravens continue to demonstrate their superiority over lousy opponents. Pick Baltimore.
FINAL: Ravens 15 Browns 14 - Fyodor loses! (Stupid Ravens. Stupid Browns.)


New York Giants (+3.5) at Seattle
Despite the officials' bias against them, the Seahawks will cover.
FINAL: Seahawks 42 Giants 30 - Fyodor wins! (The Giants are overrated. Big time.)


Philadelphia (-6) at San Francisco
Even the inconsistent Eagles should be able to handle the 49ers. Pick Philly.
FINAL: Eagles 38 49ers 17 - Fyodor wins!


St. Louis (+4.5) at Arizona
I hate picking either of these teams because nobody knows if either will play hard week to week. I'll take the Cardinals to cover at home.
FINAL: Rams 16 Cardinals 14 - Fyodor loses! (What'd I say?)


Denver (+6.5) at New England
This should be easy for the Patriots. Pick New England to cover.
FINAL: Broncos 17 Patriots 7 - Fyodor loses! (Wow. Tom Brady sure could use a couple of wide receivers...)


Monday 9/25



Atlanta (-3) at New Orleans
I want to pick the Saints on their return to the Superdome, but the Falcons can really run the ball. Atlanta will win by at least 10.
FINAL: Saints 23 Falcons 3 - Fyodor loses! (Should I go with the NFL fixing it so the Saints could win in the refurbished SuperDome or the Mike Vick is overrated thingee?)