Ignorance [not invincible, but willful] is the enemy of life, liberty, peace, and justice: Local Yokel.

You think that last post was overkill on my part, do you? The Old Gray Whore has been a nest of commies, slavemasons, fornicators, and other perverts at least since the days of Walter Duranty, satanism , and Stalin's bloodlust.

"But what about the heartland, Fyodor? Surely, real Americans aren't covering theirs eyes, ears and souls with rubbers, are they? Treating your woman like a kleenex is only the big city elitist way of saying 'I love you', isn't it?"

Nope. Behold the excretions of Gilbert Halfsmart, unterfuhrer of the local collectivist [except when it comes to their own profits] propaganda monopoly.



St. Rick vs. your phony theology

What is wrong with Rick Santorum?

I realize we could be here all day answering that question. Neither you nor I have the time, nor the stomach, to do so.

But I ask because Rick Santorum is now the front-runner in this never-ending Republican primary. Polls show he and Mitt Romney neck-and-neck in Michigan, which holds its primary Tuesday. Nationwide, Santorum's opened a wide lead.

Romney, at least, makes sense. Sure, he's insufficiently conservative for the fire-breathing Republican base. But during our ongoing crisis of capitalism, he has experience as an actual capitalist, whatever you might think of his time at Bain Capital. His idea is to cut taxes and let all good things flow from that. And if it doesn't work? Cut taxes more.

Santorum wants to cut taxes too, but his economic platform is seen as more inventive. At least he acknowledges that poverty exists in America; he'd cure it by cutting taxes.

Sensing a theme here?

But Santorum's economic proposals have taken a back seat on the campaign trail, because every time he opens his mouth these days he emits a cultural rebel yell.

Santorum, first and foremost, is a culture warrior. Millions love him for that. Millions more detest that.

And so last weekend, when Santorum talked of Obama's "phony theology," it sounded familiar to partisans on both sides. Santorum's backers were quick to say that he wasn't criticizing the president's Christianity, or suggesting Obama wasn't really a Christian.

Santorum's detractors, of course, understood that this was exactly what he was doing. It's called dog whistling, defined by Bloomberg columnist Jeffrey Goldberg as "the use of coded, ambiguous language to appeal to the prejudices of certain subsets of voters." Santorum may be many things, but he's not an accidental idiot. He didn't stumble into the "phony theology" line.

Can you smell the wet straw man, kiddies?

My buddy Pastor Dan, a United Church of Christ minister, spent the weekend posting notes like this to his Facebook wall:

On Saturday, because of my phony theology, I tried to get food donations to a pantry that could use them.
And today, because of my phony theology, I drove an hour and a half to visit a child in a burn ward.
Oh, & Wednesday, because of my phony theology, I went to see a member of my congregation whose feet and hand were shattered in a car crash.

Ha-ha. What a funny heretic.

Who's fucking your little girl tonight, Pastor Dan? Just fill her pockets with condoms. That will make everything all right.

BTW, we Catholics invented works of charity.

That's nice. But Pastor Dan, see, he's a liberal. And the UCC — they're a little friendlier to gays, right?

Phony theology.

In one respect, this attitude is understandable — people have strong feelings about religion, and that some think I'm right and you're wrong is just part of the ballgame.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Not all religious conservatives are like this. There are many who, as Pete Wehner wrote last week, realize that "arguments on behalf of moral truth need to be made in ways that are winsome, in a manner that is meant to persuade. ... The person making the arguments needs to radiate some measure of grace and tolerance rather than condemnation and zeal."

But this is primary season; and Santorum's zeal is the very thing that attracts many social conservatives to his cause.

Still, Santorum isn't running to be preacher in chief. He wants to become president of a religiously diverse nation where the nonreligious or unaffiliated are, by far, the fastest-growing segment of society. Many simply shake their heads: This is exactly what they don't like about religion.

But if you're a Mormon, Jew, Muslim or a member of a less-than-dogmatic mainline congregation, you might also be concerned. For the president, whatever his personal faith, needs to respect what Normal Rockwell articulated in his 1943 painting titled "Freedom to Worship": Each according to the dictates of his own conscience.

That's the American way.

What Halfsmart really means [but is too cowardly to say] is this: Anyone who says orgasms are not the highest possible good is an un-American extremist who hates women and "gays" [That's jackass for "homosexual", kiddies.] and must be stopped at all costs.

I just don't get it. It's not like this jackass is gonna get laid either.

It's not about religion. It's not about the constitution. It's all about getting your rocks off whenever, wherever, and with whatever you want. We've made a bargain with the Foolish One, kiddies. We've traded our freedom and our souls for orgasms.