From the people who brought the NFL to Jacksonville, it's Zodiac Expansion!

Ophiuchus - The 13th Sign of the Zodiac

The 13th sign of the zodiac, unlike the other 12 signs is actually associated with a real person. In the 27th Century BCE in Ancient Egypt lived a man known as Imhotep. Imhotep was known as ‘Aesclepius’ by the Ancient Greeks, however the attributes are the same under either name.

Wait a minute... isn't that the creepy mummy dude who tried to whack Brendan Fraser?

Arnold Vosloo

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High Priest Imhotep

One of Imhoteps abilities was healing and it is said that it was he who introduced it to mankind. His accomplishments also included a wide knowledge of medicine. The serpent or snake symbol which is still used today to symbolize the medical profession was also used to represent Imhotep. Below is a list of attributes associated with the Serpent Holder, Imhotep i.e Aesclepius. The descriptions below are associated with the 13th sign - Ophiuchus.

• Many people are envious of this subject as he progresses well throughout life.
• A seeker of wisdom and knowledge [Yeah, right.]
  
• Many people are jealous of this person [That's a bit redundant, eh, kiddies? See bullet point # 1 above.]
  
• Tends to go for the more flamboyant in dress sense, favouring bright colours. [Uh-oh. Flamboyant.]
  
• Authority looks upon him well. [Fascist.]
  
• Would make a great architect or builder. [Ayn Rand, call your office.]
  
• Number 12 is this persons lucky number. [That should help Ophiuchuleans win the Powerball drawing every time.]
  
• This person will have a big family but leave home at an early age. [In this era of Big Contraception and 26 year olds on their parents' insurance policy? I think not.]
  

This is the Zodiac as some astrologers believe it should be:

ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13
TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19
GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20
CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9
LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15
VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30
LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22
SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29
OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17
SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18
CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15
AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11
PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18

THIS MESSAGE IS FOR WHATEVER REMNANT OF HUMANITY EXISTS IN THE YEAR 6710 [I KNOW WE ALL HOPE AND PRAY OUR BLOGS WILL STILL BE READABLE THEN.]:

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ADD A NEW SIGN TO YOUR ZODIAC. IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE THE HEAD OF A MAN OF MIXED RACE WITH ELEPHANTINE EARS, FANGS THAT DRIP BLOOD, AND IT SHOULD VOMIT EXCREMENT PERIODICALLY. IT SHALL BE CALLED DUMBOCULOUS AFTER THE GREATEST LAWGIVER OF ALL TIME. KIDDIES BORN UNDER THE SIGN OF DUMBOCULOUS WILL LIE, CHEAT, STEAL, AND KILL TO ACHIEVE PEACE AND HARMONY.