By TERRY MATTINGLY, Scripps Howard News Service
One of the last things Thomas Peters does each day is face the Cross of St. Benedict that hangs over his bed and says his evening prayers.
Shouldn't that headline read "Catholics"?
The sobering final phrases of the Hail Mary prayer have recently taken on a unique relevancy: "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen."
A month ago, the conservative Catholic writer challenged readers of the American Papist website to join him in praying one Hail Mary a day on behalf of the iconoclastic atheist Christopher Hitchens, who has been stricken with esophageal cancer, a disease that leaves few survivors.
To me, he's been "Cristobel" ever since his sick commentary at the death of Mother Teresa. [In case you don't know, kiddies, on her worst day Mother Teresa did more for humanity than Hitchens could even if he lived a thousand years.]
"I am going to begin praying ... for the salvation of his eternal soul," wrote Peters, "that God will be with him 'at the hour of his death,' that God will help his unbelief in this life, and that those he has led away from God will come back to His infinite love and mercy. I am in no way praying for him to die, I am praying for him to live eternally."
Amen to that, brother.
Peters is not alone and Hitchens knows it. While some believers hope that he suffers and dies, post haste, the author of "God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything" told CNN that he has been surprised that others -- who are "much more numerous, I must say, and nicer" -- are praying for his healing, both body and soul.
Where are all his concerned atheist friends? Perhaps they'll send him some "medical" weed.
This has been one of the strangest side effects of Hitchens' journey across the "stark frontier that marks off the land of malady." This is a zone in which almost everyone is politely encouraging, the jokes are feeble, sex talk is nonexistent [WTF? - F.G.] and the "cuisine is the worst of any destination I have ever visited," wrote Hitchens, in a Vanity Fair essay. The native tongue in "Tumorville" is built around terms such as "metastasized," phases such as "tissue is the issue" and quotes from the writings of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
Seriously, kiddies! What is up with that? No sex talk for the dying guy? You'd think one of his leftard friends would buy him some Larry "No Feeling Below The Waist" Flynt porn or dial a 900 number for him. Or a hooker! There must be hookers who specialize in the terminally ill...I'll check the Obamakill plan and see if our Fearful Leader can kill a couple of extra WWII vets to save enough cash to pay for a "tumor job".
Most of the inhabitants also do quite a bit of praying -- for themselves, for their loved ones and even for suffering people they have never met.
Hitchens told evangelical broadcaster Hugh Hewitt that he remains convinced these prayers "don't do any good, but they don't necessarily do any harm. It's touching to be thought of in that way."
Holy crap! The God-hater is touched? I'm guessing that is a PR ploy. In his heart - oops, I mean in his rational mind - he's snickering at those he sees as deluded rubes and simpletons.
The bottom line, explained Peters, is that his faith asks him to "pray for everyone, even those who hate us. ... Hitch just happens to be a famous public enemy of the faith, so more people know what is happening in this life, so more people are talking about why it's good to pray for him."
While it is "absolutely horrible" that anyone would pray for Hitchens to suffer and die, he added, many believers may find it hard to do more than pray for "God's will to be done." That is the "safe prayer" that is always appropriate.
Meanwhile, a quick Internet scan reveals that some believers are, predictably enough, praying for Hitchens to be converted to Christianity for the sake of his own soul. Others are specifically praying that the scribe who -- with Sam Harris, Daniel Dennett and Richard Dawkins -- is called one of the "four horsemen" of the New Atheism will not only convert, but also become an apologist for faith.
That happened decades ago with an atheist named C.S. Lewis, after all.
Maybe he should talk with Anne Rice...or read something by that great convert to the One, True Church John Henry Newman [who will soon be canonized]...or perhaps Malcolm Muggeridge would be more suited to his taste.
"Ultimately, I simply will pray that Hitch has a good and holy death," said Peters. "I really do not care if he has a public conversion. I care that he, somehow, has a private conversion and that he will be reconciled to God."
This is our faith in action [no pun intended], kiddies.
As much as believers love these kinds of "foxhole conversion" stories, Hitchens is convinced he will not surrender. However, should rumors spread that he has "hedged his bets," the writer has made several public statements warning his admirers that if such cry to the Almighty were to take place, they should ignore it.
With admirers like that, who needs Satan?
"If that comes it will be when I'm very ill, when I am half demented, either by drugs or by pain and I won't have control over what I say," he told CNN. "I can't say that the entity that by then would be me wouldn't do such a pathetic thing. But I can tell you that -- not while I am lucid. No, I could be quite sure of that."
Poor dumb bastard. I am not permitted to believe in invincible ignorance, but there is such a thing as willful ignorance.
(Terry Mattingly directs the Washington Journalism Center at the Council for Christian Colleges and Universities. Contact him at tmattingly(at)cccu.org or www.tmatt.net)
I hereby pledge to say a Hail Mary for La Hitchens each day until he learns The Truth, whether he learns it the easy way or the hardest possible way.
In fact, as a good Catholic, I'll go one better. I will continue to pray for him even after he croaks, on the off chance he lands in Purgatory for a few million years. [Quit your whining, you prods. You knew it was coming.]