Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.

Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

Wish me luck, I'm going Costanza this week, kiddies. It cannot get much worse.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.


Thursday 11/30


Baltimore (+3) at Cincinnati
The Ravens can't keep playing this well and the Bengals really need the win. Obviously, I should pick Cincy. The Opposite? Take the Ravens and the points. (Nota bene: Even if your cable system carries the NFL Network, you might not see this game because The League charges the cable companies even more to carry the games themselves.)
FINAL: Bengals 13 Ravens 7 - Fyodor loses! (That's not a good start to the weekend...)


Sunday 12/3


Arizona (+6.5) at St. Louis
I hate NFC West matchups, the Rams are at home, and Denny Green is checking the Yellow Pages for realtors. Obviously, I should pick the Cardinals. The Opposite? I love this game! Pick St. Louis to cover at home.
FINALS: Cardinals 34 Rams 20 - Fyodor loses! (I hate the NFC West.)


Atlanta (+1) at Washington
The Falcons are on a hideous losing streak and their receivers can't catch the ball even when Vick manages to hit them with it. The Redskins are coming off a well fought game. Obviously, I should pick Washington. The Opposite? Take Atlanta, the road dog.
FINAL: Falcons 24 Redskins 14 - Fyodor wins! (Yippee!)


Detroit (+13.5) at New England
The Patriots are at home and showed some guts last week. The Lions are a joke and may be worse than the Raiders. Obviously, I should pick New England. The Opposite? Take the Lions and the points.
FINAL: Patriots 28 Lions 21 - Fyodor wins!


Indianapolis (-7.5) at Tennessee
The Titans are tough at home, and look like a team on the rise. The Colts have Peyton Manning. Obviously, I should pick the Colts. The Opposite? Take the home dog, Tennessee.
FINAL: Titans 20 Colts 17 - Fyodor wins!


Kansas City (-5) at Cleveland
Romeo may be in over his head and the Browns may be worse than the Raiders. Obviously, I should pick the Chiefs. The Opposite? Pick Cleveland and the points at home.
FINAL: Browns 31 Chiefs 28 - Fyodor wins! (The opposite, baby!)


Minnesota (+9) at Chicago
The Bears have overcome Rex Grossman before and they can do it again. The Vikings play in a dome at home and haven't impressed anyone lately. Obviously, I should pick Chicago. The Opposite? Gotta go with the road dog here. Pick Minnesota.
FINAL: Bears 23 Vikings 13 - Fyodor loses! (Uh...)


NY Jets (-1) at Green Bay
The Packers are pathetic and the guy who replaced Favre is an interception machine. Meanwhile, the Jets are fighting for their playoff lives. Obviously, I should pick the Jets. The Opposite? Pick the Pack and the point.
FINAL: Jets 38 Packers 10 - Fyodor loses! (...oh...)


San Diego (-6) at Buffalo
The Chargers are hot, hot, hot and due for a bad game. Plus, they are on the road and the weather in Buffalo could be bad. Obviously, I should pick the Bills and the points. The Opposite? Take San Diego on the road.
FINAL: Chargers 24 Buffalo 21 - Fyodor loses! (Ack!)


San Francisco (+7) at New Orleans
The 49ers are getting better, but they won't be able to handle New Orleans' explosive offense, especially on the road. Obviously, I should pick New Orleans. The Opposite? I'll go with yet another road dog, San Francisco.
FINAL: Saints 34 49ers 10 -Fyodor loses! (Stupid opposite picks!)


Jacksonville (+1) at Miami
This is a no-brainer! The Jaguars stink out loud and Joey Harrington has learned how to move the Dolphins. Obviously, I should pick Miami. The Opposite? Take Jacksonville.
FINAL: Jaguars 24 Dolphins 10 - Fyodor wins! (Hmmm...)


Houston (+3) at Oakland
The Raiders are a proud franchise with a rich history and the sheer guts necessary to overcome all the front office squabbling and backstabbing. The Texans have exceeded their win quota for the year. Obviously, I should pick Oakland. The Opposite? Take the Texans and the points.
FINAL: Texans 24 Raiders 14 - Fyodor wins!


Dallas (-3.5) at the Giants
The Giants have deen decimated by injuries and talk about a team in turmoil! The Cowboys are back and their QB might be dating Jessica Simpson. Obviously, I should pick Dallas. The Opposite? Take the Giants, with the points, at the Meadowlands.
FINAL: Cowboys 23 Giants 20 - Fyodor wins! (The hook!)


Tampa Bay (+7) at Pittsburgh
The Steelers have nothing to play for now, except higher draft picks. The Bucs stink out loud. Obviously, as a Steeler fan, I should pick Tampa so my team can get a cover corner next year. The Opposite? Take the Steelers to cover.
FINAL: Steelers 20 Buccaneers 3 - Fyodor wins! (Wait a minute...there might be something to this opposite pick thingee after all...)


Seattle (+3.5) at Denver
Matt and Shaun are back for The Greatest Team Never To Win A Superbowl and the Broncos are starting Jay Cutler at QB. Obviously, I should pick Seattle. The Opposite? Go with Denver to cover at home.
FINAL: Seahawks 23 Broncos 20 - Fyodor loses! (...Nope. What was I thinking?)

Monday 12/4


Carolina (-3) at Philadelphia
What? Only 3? Without McNabb, the Eagles can barely find their way out of the lockerroom. Obviously, I should pick Carolina. The Opposite? Take the Eagles. (Wow. This opposite thing is really scary.)
FINAL: Eagles 27 Panthers 24 - Fyodor wins! (Wow. This opposite thing is really scary.)