Simian-Americans get a beat-down from the Man.

San Diego Union-Tribune: Card-playing chimp nixed from tourney

The stunt to get a poker Web site free publicity and Mikey, a 4-year-old chimpanzee, a spot in the upcoming World Series of Poker in Las Vegas ended with the primate being denied registration, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reports.

“He will not be registered, nor will he play,” said Gary Thompson, spokesman for the World Series of Poker. “We are not letting any chimpanzees in. It would be cruel to the chimpanzee and unfair to our players.”

Instant Translation: Either chimps are smarter than his human players or he realizes if the cards fall the right way, Mikey could actually win.

Pokershare.net was ready to contribute the entry fee, $10,000, for Mikey to play in the main event. Mikey was taught how to play Texas Hold 'em by his owner, Judie Harrison, who said she would use any money won by Mikey to build a retirement sanctuary for the chimpanzee.

Mikey has been trained to recognize colors and shapes and wear a green poker visor and sunglasses. But the Humane Society of the United States and the Jane Goodall Institute condemned the idea.

What a bunch of fun-killing losers! It would serve them right if Mikey said screw the whole Retirechimp Home idea and spent all his winnings on hookers and booze!


Classic quote

“Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he's losing; nobody wants you to quit when you're ahead.”
– JACKIE ROBINSON