If you go out in the woods today, you're in for a big surprise: The baby killers are having a picnic.

The Washington state unit of Chopped Up Kids 'R' Us plans a party whose theme is Let's Violate the Natural Law and Hope Nothing Bad Happens.

SCREW ABSTINENCE PARTY

Thursday, July 14, 2005
6:00-8:00pm

Tired of Bush & Co. spending your tax dollars on abstinence-only-until-marriage initiatives that promote dangerous misinformation?
Let them know you keep it real when it comes to your sexual health and decision making.

Vee vill make zee decisions for you, you poor opressed vagina possessors!

Come laugh, learn, socialize and buck the system at NARAL Pro-Choice Washington’s Screw Abstinence Party.

They're gonna do what to girl's systems? Oh, buck. Never mind.

Featuring:Pork Filled Players – Seattle theatre’s hottest sketch comedy group performs a sex ed class for adults

If they are adults, they should know how to do it by now. (And they call us backwards!)

Toys in Babeland – Seattle’s sleaze-free (???? -F.G.) , sex-positive purveyors of adult toys offer tips on “Sexy Safer Sex”

Instant Translation: They are going to teach the hags who attend how to masturbate. (Talk about an IQ gap between the sexes!)

Lady Jane DJ – Seattle’s First Lady of the turn tables spins the latest in Hip-Hop and R&B

Wait. Your victims like Hip-Hop. Your donors like white folks' music.

Hors d’oeuvres – Scrumptious Appetizers generously donated by Watertown.

Mmmm. Filet of Fetus. Yum!

Ticket Prices:

$15.00 “The Birds and the Bees” - Gets ya in the door.

$30.00 “The Full Monty”- Gets ya in the door, a Screw Driver (HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Too clever. - F.G.) drink ticket, & a Screw Abstinence T-Shirt. T-shirt sizes are limited so order yours ASAP!

I'll bet you $20 they'll only have XXXL.

*Please note, this is not an all ages event, you must be 21 years or older to attend*

THIS STINKIN' FASCIST CUNT-RY! A 12 YEAR OLD CAN HAVE HER BABY TOSSED IN A VEG-A-MATIC WITHOUT HER PARENTS KNOWING, BUT SHE CAN'T GET A DAMNED HIGHBALL AT THIS LOSER PARTY WHERE ONLY THE BROADS WILL HAVE ARMPIT HAIR?

All funds raised at Screw Abstinence will assist NARAL Pro-Choice Washington in our work to secure comprehensive and medically accurate sex education, as well as guarantee every woman the right to make personal decisions regarding the full range of reproductive choices.

Instant Translation: Blah blah blah, we murder kids. Most of them poor and black.

Sincerest appy-polly-loggies to Mr. Jimmy Kennedy for abusing his lyrics in the headline. (Click the link to hear the music and see the real lyrics.)