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It seems Pope Francis needs to brush up on his Tertullian!

It has been reported (in The ChristLast Media, I must note) that the current Pope does not like the phrase "lead us not into temptation...

"Let no freedom be allowed to novelty, because it is not fitting that any addition should be made to antiquity. Let not the clear faith and belief of our forefathers be fouled by any muddy admixture." -- Pope Sixtus III

Friday, December 29, 2006

The Pelosi/Reid Era of Sunshine and Gumdrops continues apace.

When they kick at your front door
How you gonna come?
With your hands on your head
Or on the trigger of your gun?
When the law break in
How you gonna go?
Shot down on the pavement
Or waiting on death row?
(From
The Guns of Brixton by The Clash)

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ABOVE: Senator Undead looking dapper in his shiny new tinfoil fedora.

Introducing Senator Undead!

Breitbart/AP: Senator Johnson Remains in Critical Condition

Of course we should all pray for his swift and complete recovery, but that does not really matter politically. Regardless of his competency, he will soon be voting for Blasphemy, Buggery, and 'Bortion once again.

Who?

CNN: Sheehan Again Arrested at Bush Ranch

Some justice for two of Our Boys.

USA TODAY/AP: Al-Qaeda in Iraq Cell Leader Caught in Raid, Military Says

Baghdad — The U.S. military said Thursday that a joint raid by Iraqi and U.S. forces resulted in the capture of the al-Qaeda in Iraq cell leader who was behind the abduction, torture and killing of two U.S. soldiers in June.

Due to USA Today and/or AP stupidly inserting a completely different news story here, we now move to further action.

The U.S. military said it captured the al-Qaeda in Iraq figure in a raid south of Baghdad.

Al-Qaeda in Iraq had claimed it killed the two U.S. soldiers found dead in June: Pfc. Kristian Menchaca of Houston and Pfc. Thomas Tucker of Madras, Ore.

The two were abducted when insurgents overran their checkpoint in the town of Youssifiyah. Spec. David Babineau of Springfield, Mass., was killed in that attack.

The Mujahadeen Shura Council, a collection of insurgent groups that includes al-Qaeda in Iraq, later released video purporting to show the decapitation of one of the soldiers. Their bodies were recovered after a search by 8,000 U.S. and Iraqi soldiers.

Senator Brain Damage, President Hungadunga. President Hungadunga, Senator Brain Damage.

Washington Times/UPI: Specter Wants to Talk With Ahmadinejad

Between them, there aren't enough intellectual amps to power a 30 watt light...

But at least Pennsylvania's dimbulb isn't threatening mass murder.

Meanwhile, back in the Diaspora...

North American Jews Choosing Israel Despite War, Terror
(CNSNews.com) - Despite the threats of war and Palestinian terrorism and a general drop in immigration to Israel, more and more North American and other Western Jews are choosing to leave the comfort of their Western homes and immigrate to Israel, the official body that handles immigration to Israel said. Full Story

The Second Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America Update.

Gov. Should Compensate Crime Victims, Says Gun Rights Group
(CNSNews.com) - Wisconsin's Democratic governor should reimburse victims of recent armed robberies in the state because its citizens are not permitted to carry concealed weapons and protect themselves when confronted by criminals, a gun rights group said. Full Story

Amen to that. Hit the gungrabbers where it hurts.

Real men save babies.

Kansas AG Mounts Last-Ditch Effort to Prosecute Abortionist
(CNSNews.com) - In his closing days as Kansas attorney general, Republican Phill Kline is still battling to prosecute one of America's most prominent abortionists. After a judge ruled Wednesday that Kline lacked the jurisdictional grounds to charge Wichita-based abortionist George Tiller, Kline announced that he was appointing a special prosecutor with the necessary jurisdiction. Full Story

Fyodor's Pro Football Picks of the Week.

1) The guys who set the lines are professionals. Their job is to make each game look as attractive as possible to everyone. That way they even out the amount of money bet on each side.

Instant translation: The house wins no matter who wins. That's why people get into the gambling business.

2) I am just a fan. I won't even keep track of these picks week to week if it gets too embarrassing.

3) There is no such thing as "inside information". Especially in the pros.

4) If those idiot touts on tv and in the paper were any good, they wouldn't go public with their genius. They'd sit at Harrah's sports book from open to close and then go out and buy $2,000 an hour hookers who dress like high school girls.

5) Gambling is stupid. You cannot win.

That being said, here are my NFL picks for this week.


Saturday 12/30


NY Giants (-2.5) at Washington
I'll take the Redskins because the Giants have given up.
FINAL: Giants 34 Redskins 28 - Fyodor loses!


Sunday 12/31


Carolina (+3) at New Orleans
Why not root for the Saints? Take New Orleans.
FINAL: Panthers 31 Saints 21 - Fyodor loses!


Cleveland (+4) at Houston
Have you seen how the road teams have been tearing it up in the NFL lately? Ha! Pick the Texans.
FINAL: Texans 14 Browns 6 - Fyodor wins!


Detroit (+13) at Dallas
Too big a number for the whiners from Dallas to cover. Take Detroit and the points.
FINAL: Lions 39(!) Cowboys 31 - Fyodor wins! (Heehee!)


Jacksonville (+2) at Kansas City
I'm rolling the dice with the Chiefs at home.
FINAL: Chiefs 35 Jaguars 30 - Fyodor wins!



New England (+3) at Tennessee
It was unthinkable a couple of months ago! I'm picking the Titans!
FINAL: Patriots 40 Titans 23 - Fyodor loses! (Beware the Patriots in the playoffs, kiddies.)


Oakland (+12.5) at NY Jets
Pick the Jets to win because they must. Pick them to cover the big number because the Raiders stink out loud.
FINAL: Jets 23 Raiders 3 - Fyodor wins!


Pittsburgh (+6) at Cincinnati
Beware of teams with nothing to gain by winning. Take the Bengals.
FINAL: Steelers 23 Bengals 17 - Fyodor loses! (Heehee!)
P.S. Thanks Coach Cowher...but when you come back with the Browns you will be shown no mercy.


Seattle (+3) at Tampa Bay
The Greatest Team Never To Win A SuperBowl loses again! Take the Bucs.
FINAL: Seahawks 23 Buccaneers 7 - Fyodor loses! (The NFL refs are going to make for last year's conspiracy against Seattle with a conspiracy in favor of them this year.)


St. Louis (-2.5) at Minnesota
Who cares? Pick the Rams to cover as a road favorite.
FINAL: Rams 41 Vikings 21 - Fyodor wins!



Atlanta (+8) at Philadelphia
McWho? Take the Eagles.
FINAL: Eagles 24 Falcons 17 - Fyodor loses! (Stupid non-covering Eagles! Bye-bye Jim the Younger.)


Buffalo (+9) at Baltimore
The Ravens have found some O. Pick Baltimore.
FINAL: Ravens 19 Bills 7 - Fyodor wins!


Miami (+9) at Indianapolis
The Colts may snap out of it this week, but I would not bet on it. Take Miami and the points.
FINAL: Colts 27 Dolphins 22 - Fyodor wins!


Arizona (+13.5) at San Diego
Too big a spread. Take the Cards and the points.
FINAL: Chargers 27 Cardinals 20 - Fyodor wins! (Bye-bye, Denny.)


San Francisco (+10.5) at Denver
This is another large number, but the Broncos need to win. Take Denver.
FINAL: 49ers 26 Broncos 23 - Fyodor loses! (Ouch!)

NO MONDAY NIGHT GAME THIS WEEK.

Green Bay (+3) at Chicago
Upset Special! Take the Packers.
FINAL: Packers 26 Bears 7 - Fyodor wins! (Thanks, Brett, and good luck. Thanks for playing, Rex. You can pick upyour consolation prize on your way out.)

Saint of the Day and daily Mass readings.

Today is the Feast of St. Thomas Becket, lawyer, soldier, priest, Archbishop of Canterbury (when that title still had meaning), Chancellor of England, and martyr. He was murdered in his cathedral by agents of the first of England's apostate kings. This is also the Fifth Day in the Octave of Christmas. Pray for us, all you angels and saints.

Today's reading for the Feast of St. Thomas Becket is 2 Timothy 2:8-13; 3:10-12.
Today's Responsorial Psalm is Psalms 34:2-3, 4-5, 6-7, 8-9.
Today's Gospel reading is Matthew 16:24-27.


Everyday links:

The Blessed Virgin Mary
The Rosary
Our Mother of Perpetual Help
Prayers from EWTN
National Coalition of Clergy and Laity (dedicated to action for a genuine Catholic Restoration)
The Catholic Calendar Page for Today
ZENIT - The World Seen From Rome


Just in case you are wondering what exactly Catholics believe, here is

The Apostles Creed

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth; and in Jesus Christ, His only Son Our Lord, Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into Heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. Amen.


Memorare

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that any one who fled to thy protection, implored thy help or sought thy intercession,was left unaided.Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins my Mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful; O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy clemency hear and answer me. Amen.


St. Joseph, her most chaste spouse, pray for us.


Anima Christi

Soul of Christ, sanctify me; Body of Christ, save me; Blood of Christ, inebriate me; Water from Christ's side, wash me; Passion of Christ, strengthen me; O good Jesus, hear me; Within Thy wounds hide me; Suffer me not to be separated from Thee; From the malicious enemy defend me; In the hour of my death call me; And bid me come unto Thee; That I may praise Thee with Thy saints and with Thy angels Forever and ever. Amen.


Prayer to St. Anthony, Martyr of Desire

Dear St. Anthony, you became a Franciscan with the hope of shedding your blood for Christ. In God's plan for you, your thirst for martyrdom was never to be satisfied. St. Anthony, Martyr of Desire, pray that I may become less afraid to stand up and be counted as a follower of the Lord Jesus. Intercede also for my other intentions. (Name them.)


Prayer To Saint Michael The Archangel

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil; may God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the divine power, thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.


Prayer to End Abortion

Lord God, I thank You today for the gift of my life, and for the lives of all my brothers and sisters. I know there is nothing that destroys more life than abortion, yet I rejoice that you have conquered death by the resurrection of Your Son. I am ready to do my part to end abortion. Today I commit myself never to be silent, never to be passive, and never to be forgetful of the unborn. I commit myself to be active in the pro-life movement, and never stop defending life until all my brothers and sisters are protected and our nation once again becomes a nation with liberty and justice, not just for some, but for all. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.


Prayer For Vocations

Send forth your Spirit, Lord, into the hearts of your faithful people, that we may be conscious of our vocation to holiness and sevice to others. Grant that many of us may dedicate ourselves to You through the priesthood and the religious life.We pray especially for the needs of our own parish and diocese. Grant that we may always have sufficient good and holy priests, and dedicated Sisters to serve our commumities.We pray, too, for religious orders; that generous men may join them to become zealous missionaries in preaching the Gospel in word and action, especially to the poor and abandoned.We make this prayer through Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Redeemer. Amen.


Prayer Before The Crucifix

Behold, O kind and gentle Jesus, I kneel before Thee and pray that Thou would impress upon my heart the virtues of faith, hope, and charity, with true repentance for my sins and a firm purpose of amendment. At the same time, with sorrow I meditate on Thy five precious wounds, having in mind the words which David spoke in prophecy: "They have pierced my hands and my feet. I can count all my bones."


Divine Praises

Blessed be God.
Blessed be His Holy Name.
Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true Man.
Blessed be the Name of Jesus.
Blessed be His most Sacred Heart.
Blessed be His most Precious Blood.
Blessed be Jesus in the most Holy Sacrament of the Altar.
Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete.
Blessed be the great Mother of God, Mary most holy.
Blessed be her holy and Immaculate Conception.
Blessed be her glorious Assumption.
Blessed be the name of Mary, Virgin and Mother.
Blessed be Saint Joseph, her most chaste spouse.
Blessed be God in His angels and in His saints.
May the Heart of Jesus in the most Blessed Sacrament
Be praised, adored and loved
With grateful affection at every moment
In all the tabernacles of the world
Even to the end of time. Amen.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Can't you just smell the science?

From WorldNetDaily:

Parasite makes men dumb and women sexy - Sydney Morning Herald

A common parasite can increase a women's attractiveness to the opposite sex but also make men more stupid, an Australian researcher says.

Ladies, love is just a parasite away.

About 40 per cent of the world's population is infected with Toxoplasma gondii, including about eight million Australians.

Human infection generally occurs when people eat raw or undercooked meat that has cysts containing the parasite, or accidentally ingest some of the parasite's eggs excreted by an infected cat.

The parasite is known to be dangerous to pregnant women as it can cause disability or abortion of the unborn child, and can also kill people whose immune systems are weakened.

Until recently it was thought to be an insignificant disease in healthy people, Sydney University of Technology infectious disease researcher Nicky Boulter said, but new research has revealed its mind-altering properties.

"Interestingly, the effect of infection is different between men and women," Dr Boulter writes in the latest issue of Australasian Science magazine.

"Infected men have lower IQs, achieve a lower level of education and have shorter attention spans. They are also more likely to break rules and take risks, be more independent, more anti-social, suspicious, jealous and morose, and are deemed less attractive to women.

"On the other hand, infected women tend to be more outgoing, friendly, more promiscuous, and are considered more attractive to men compared with non-infected controls.

Insert your joke about Mo Dowdy's new cat scat diet here.


Scientists: Molecule behaves like combination lock
Israelis discover sequence of chemicals and light makes it open, close --LiveScience.com

The Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America Update.

3 home intruders shot dead in Albuquerque
'Hopefully this is going to send a message,' says police spokeswoman --WorldNetDaily

Elderly homeowner shoots 2 intruders, kills 1
80-year-old man confronted pair as they were loading his belongings in their vehicle --Arizona Daily Star

Meanwhile, back in Mogadishu...

AP: Somali gov't troops roll into Mogadishu
Mogadishu, Somalia - Jubilant Somalis cheered as troops of the U.N.-backed interim government rolled into Mogadishu unopposed Thursday, putting an end to six months of domination of the capital by a radical Islamic movement. Ethiopian soldiers stopped on the outskirts of town, after providing much of the military might in the offensive that shattered what had seemed an unbeatable Islamic militia. (WTF???)


Hank Aaron is still my home run champion.

Print the names! Let us know which of our heroes is a cheater!

AFP: Appeals court gives investigators access to baseball drug tests
A US appeals court in San Francisco ruled that results of Major League Baseball drug tests conducted in 2003 can be used in the government's ongoing steroids probe.

A three-judge panel of the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeal, hearing the case of the United States vs. Comprehensive Drug Testing, Inc., said lower courts erred in blocking access to the information.

The test results could provide evidence as to whether any of the star players who testified to a grand jury in the BALCO steroid scandal - including San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds - committed perjury.

Bonds' lawyer, Michael Rains said Wednesday that his client is not among the players who tested positive, and the ruling will have little bearing on his case.

It isn't known if any of the test data seized involved a specimen from Bonds.

"I don't think things change for Barry," Rains said. "They've had the test results since '04. If they had a positive test, they could have used it to obtain an indictment of Barry. I think the deal is they don't have a positive test of Barry from '03."

Baseball officials implemented the confidential tests in 2003 merely as a means of gauging the scale of doping in the game.
The government originally sought the test results for 10 players linked to the BALCO scandal, but also seized the records on dozens of other players.

That sparked a legal battle, with opposition from two laboratories involved in the testing - Quest Diagnostics in New Jersey and Comprehensive Diagnostic Testing in Long Beach, California - as well as from the Major League Baseball Players' Association.

"The subpoenas were not unreasonable and did not constitute harassment," Judge Diarmuid O'Scannlain wrote in Wednesday's majority opinion.

Diarmuid O'Scannlain?

Wow.

Judge Sidney R. Thomas dissented from the majority opinion, writing that the actions of the government suggest "an abuse of grand jury process."

"Much is made about the "integrity of the game," Thomas wrote. "Even more important is the integrity of our legal system."

Prosecutors who have vowed to continue their probe into steroid use in sports welcomed the decision, which could be subject to further appeal.

"We are pleased that the majority of the 9th Circuit panel found that the government's seizures and use of grand jury subpoenas were reasonable," said US attorney Kevin Ryan.

"We will continue to review the 125-page opinion to determine what the next investigative step may be."

Five people pleaded guilty to charges stemming from the BALCO investigation, including the laboratory founder Victor Conte and Bonds's personal trainer, Greg Anderson.

Earlier this month, cyclist Tammy Thomas became the first athlete indicted in the fall-out from BALCO, when she was indicted for perjury over allegations that she lied to a grand jury.

Athletics coach Trevor Graham, who guided US sprint star
Marion Jones to her five medal haul at the Sydney Olympics in 2000, last month pleaded not guilty to charges he gave false statements to BALCO investigators.

Steelers Update.

From the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Brown: Cowher's status still a mystery
With the Steelers out of playoff contention, the issue of whether Bill Cowher will return as head coach next season has dominated conversation.

Point, counterpoint: Importance of Steelers' finale

Steelers deny thinking about Cowher

Prisuta: Who could replace Cowher?

Steelers notebook

Pitt Hoops Update.

From the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Road-weary Pitt reclaims momentum
Pitt shook off a Scrooge-like road trip to post its most lopsided victory of the season with an 84-54 victory over Dayton at Petersen Events Center.

Panthers giving up points, but scoring a lot, too
Pitt (10-2), coming off two high-scoring losses to Wisconsin and Oklahoma State...

Pitt's Young leaps forward
Sam Young scored a career-high 18 points on 7-of-10 shooting in 19 minutes in Pitt's 84-54 victory over Dayton on Saturday.

Pitt notebook
Maurice Polen, a Pitt redshirt junior walk-on from Philadelphia, played the final minute against Dayton on Saturday and made every second count.

The Story of Kwanzaa.

Ann Coulter clues us in.

President Bush's Kwanzaa message this year skipped the patently absurd claim of years past that: "African-Americans and people around the world reflect on African heritage during Kwanzaa." Instead, he simply said: "I send greetings to those observing Kwanzaa."

More African-Americans spent this season reflecting on the birth of Christ than some phony non-Christian holiday invented a few decades ago by an FBI stooge. Kwanzaa is a holiday for white liberals, not blacks.

It is a fact that Kwanzaa was invented in 1966 by a black radical FBI pawn, Ron Karenga, aka Dr. Maulana Karenga. Karenga was a founder of United Slaves, a violent nationalist rival to the Black Panthers and a dupe of the FBI.

In what was probably a foolish gamble, during the madness of the '60s the FBI encouraged the most extreme black nationalist organizations in order to discredit and split the left. The more preposterous the organization, the better. Karenga's United Slaves was perfect. In the annals of the American '60s, Karenga was the Father Gapon, stooge of the czarist police.

Despite modern perceptions that blend all the black activists of the '60s, the Black Panthers did not hate whites. They did not seek armed revolution. Those were the precepts of Karenga's United Slaves. United Slaves were proto-fascists, walking around in dashikis, gunning down Black Panthers and adopting invented "African" names. (That was a big help to the black community: How many boys named "Jamal" currently sit on death row?)

Whether Karenga was a willing dupe, or just a dupe, remains unclear. Curiously, in a 1995 interview with Ethnic NewsWatch, Karenga matter-of-factly explained that the forces out to get O.J. Simpson for the "framed" murder of two whites included "the FBI, the CIA, the State Department, Interpol, the Chicago Police Department" and so on. Karenga should know about FBI infiltration. (He further noted that the evidence against O.J. "was not strong enough to prohibit or eliminate unreasonable doubt" -- an interesting standard of proof.)

In the category of the-gentleman-doth-protest-too-much, back in the '70s, Karenga was quick to criticize rumors that black radicals were government-supported. When Nigerian newspapers claimed that some American black radicals were CIA operatives, Karenga publicly denounced the idea, saying, "Africans must stop generalizing about the loyalties and motives of Afro-Americans, including the widespread suspicion of black Americans being CIA agents."

Now we know that the FBI fueled the bloody rivalry between the Panthers and United Slaves. In one barbarous outburst, Karenga's United Slaves shot to death Black Panthers Al "Bunchy" Carter and Deputy Minister John Huggins on the UCLA campus. Karenga himself served time, a useful stepping-stone for his current position as a black studies professor at California State University at Long Beach.

Kwanzaa itself is a lunatic blend of schmaltzy '60s rhetoric, black racism and Marxism. Indeed, the seven "principles" of Kwanzaa praise collectivism in every possible arena of life -- economics, work, personality, even litter removal. ("Kuumba: Everyone should strive to improve the community and make it more beautiful.") It takes a village to raise a police snitch.

Heehee.

When Karenga was asked to distinguish Kawaida, the philosophy underlying Kwanzaa, from "classical Marxism," he essentially explained that under Kawaida, we also hate whites. While taking the "best of early Chinese and Cuban socialism" -- which one assumes would exclude the forced abortions, imprisonment for homosexuals and forced labor -- Kawaida practitioners believe one's racial identity "determines life conditions, life chances and self-understanding." There's an inclusive philosophy for you.

Oy vey!

(Sing to "Jingle Bells")

Kwanzaa bells, dashikis sell
Whitey has to pay;
Burning, shooting, oh what fun
On this made-up holiday!

Coincidentally, the seven principles of Kwanzaa are the very same seven principles of the Symbionese Liberation Army, another charming invention of the Least-Great Generation. In 1974, Patricia Hearst, kidnap victim-cum-SLA revolutionary, posed next to the banner of her alleged captors, a seven-headed cobra. Each snake head stood for one of the SLA's revolutionary principles: Umoja, Kujichagulia, Ujima, Ujamaa, Nia, Kuumba and Imani -- the same seven "principles" of Kwanzaa.

With his Kwanzaa greetings, President Bush is saluting the intellectual sibling of the Symbionese Liberation Army, killer of housewives and police. He is saluting the founder of United Slaves, who were such lunatics that they shot Panthers for not being sufficiently insane -- all with the FBI as their covert ally.

It's as if David Duke invented a holiday called "Anglika," and the president of the United States issued a presidential proclamation honoring the synthetic holiday. People might well take notice if that happened.

Kwanzaa was the result of a '60s psychosis grafted onto the black community. Liberals have become so mesmerized by multicultural nonsense that they have forgotten the real history of Kwanzaa and Karenga's United Slaves -- the violence, the Marxism, the insanity. Most absurdly, for leftists anyway, is that they have forgotten the FBI's tacit encouragement of this murderous black nationalist cult founded by the father of Kwanzaa.

Now the "holiday" concocted by an FBI dupe is honored in a presidential proclamation and public schools across the nation. The only principle Kwanzaa promotes is liberals' unbounded capacity to respect any faith but Christianity.

Do you see how sick we have become?

A movement that started approximately 2,000 years before Kwanzaa leaps well beyond collectivism and litter removal to proclaim that we are all equal before God. "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28). It was practitioners of that faith who were at the forefront of the abolitionist and civil rights movements. But that's all been washed down the memory hole, along with the true origins of Kwanzaa.

Ann Coulter is Legal Affairs Correspondent for HUMAN EVENTS and author of "High Crimes and Misdemeanors," "Slander," ""How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)," and most recently, "Godless."

Even the commies couldn't screw up the gene pool: Natalia Vodianova. (Part Two)

From the pages of The King Abdullah Gazette:


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Mmmm...glazed ham...

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John 'I am NOT the guy who talks to the dead!' Edwards adds comic relief to the 2008 race.

AP: John Edwards joins presidential race
Former Democratic vice presidential nominee John Edwards jumped into the presidential race Wednesday a day earlier than he'd planned, prodded by an Internet glitch (GORE DID IT! GORE DID IT! - F.G.) to launch a candidacy focused on health care, poverty and other domestic issues.

The North Carolina Democrat's campaign accidentally went live with his election Web site a day before an announcement Thursday that was scheduled to use Hurricane-ravaged New Orleans as a backdrop.

Cute. Nothing says compassion for the poor like a multi-millionaire shyster.

The slip-up gave an unintended double-meaning to his campaign slogan on the John Edwards '08 Web site: "Tomorrow begins today."

Slogans that were almost chosen:

"Yesterday never was."

"The fiscal year begins in July."

"Tomorrow, tomorrow, you're only a day away."

Aides quickly shut down the errant Web site but could not contain news of the obvious, even in the shadows of former President Ford's death.

"Better a day earlier than a day late," said Jennifer Palmieri, an Edwards adviser.

Stay tuned to the Miracle Worker's presidential campaign for more profundity like this, kiddies.

H. W. Crocker III on the Battle of Lepanto.

Mr. Crocker, writing in Crisis Magazine, lays a little history on us, while reminding all with the sense to listen that it was only four hundred and twenty-five years ago when the mohammedans last threatened Christianity...

Lepanto, 1571: The Battle That Saved Europe

The clash of civilizations is as old as history, and equally as old is the blindness of those who wish such clashes away; but they are the hinges, the turning points of history. In the latter half of the 16th century, Muslim war drums sounded and the mufti of the Ottoman sultan proclaimed jihad, but only the pope fully appreciated the threat. As Brandon Rogers notes in the Ignatius Press edition of G. K. Chesterton’s poem “Lepanto”: Pope Pius V “understood the tremendous importance of resisting the aggressive expansion of the Turks better than any of his contemporaries appear to have. He understood that the real battle being fought was spiritual; a clash of creeds was at hand, and the stakes were the very existence of the Christian West.” But then, as now, the unity of Christendom was shattered; and in the aftermath of the Protestant revolt, Islam saw its opportunity.

The Ottoman Empire, the seat of Islamic power, looked to control the Mediterranean. Corsairs raided from North Africa; the Sultan’s massive fleet anchored the eastern Mediterranean; and Islamic armies ranged along the coasts of Africa, the Middle and Near East, and pressed against the Adriatic; Muslim armies threatened the Habsburg Empire through the Balkans.

The Ottoman Turks yearned to bring all Europe within the dar al-Islam, the “House of Submission”—submissive to the sharia law. Europe, as the land of the infidels, was the dar al-Harb, the “House of War.”

But the House of War was a house divided against itself. The Habsburg Empire was Europe’s bulwark against Islamic jihad, but its timbers were being eaten away by the Protestants who diverted Catholic armies and even cheered on the Mussulmen, whom they saw as fellow enemies of the pope in Rome.

In 1568, the emperor Maximilian, of the Austrian half of the Habsburg Empire, had agreed to a peace treaty with the Turk; and the Danube was reasonably, temporarily, quiet.

In Spain, the other great pillar of the Habsburg Empire was Philip II. And for him, things were not quiet at all. We think of Philip II as dark and brooding, and so he was—to the degree that it is surprising to remember that he was blue-eyed and fair-haired. But the lasting image, especially to those of English (even Catholic English) blood, is Chesterton’s sketch; as King Philip is in his “closet with the Fleece about his neck”:


The walls are hung with velvet that is black and soft as sin,
And little dwarfs creep out of it and little dwarfs creep in . . . .
And his face is as a fungus of a leprous white and grey
Like plants in the high houses that are shuttered from the day . . .
As a ruler, Philip was harsh, saturnine, and austere. He embodied a scrupulousness that went beyond a personal failing to become a public vice, where there was no room for charity and far too much room for plottings and calculations, which, though they always had the protection of the Faith as their goal, were too admixed with lesser, baser metals than the gold of the monstrance.

Philip’s knights had ranged into the New World and were carving out a vast empire, its extent virtually beyond imagining, whence came gold and other treasures. That, Philip knew, was the future. But to his immediate north was the menace.

Europe Divided

Philip was no friend of the Mohammedan, and the Mussulmen remained a persistent threat to Spain’s possession of Naples and Sicily. Spanish vessels clashed throughout the Mediterranean with Barbary corsairs. At that very moment, Spanish infantry were suppressing the Morisco revolt of apparently unconverted Moors. But Philip trusted that Spain was well equipped to defeat the Mussulmen. That was old hat.

But Protestantism was something relatively new. It was treason and heresy. And, though Philip would not have been so eloquent, it was worse:

The North is full of tangled things and texts and aching eyes,
And dead is all the innocence of anger and surprise,
And Christian killeth Christian in a narrow dusty room,
And Christian dreadeth Christ that hath a newer face of doom,
And Christian hateth Mary that God kissed in Galilee...

Where the Austrian Habsburgs hoped against hope for conciliation with their own violent, Teutonic Protestants, Philip II trusted to his renowned Spanish infantry. They had the answer that Protestantism deserved.

The pope had no sympathy for Protestants either, but for him, as for previous popes, Islam remained the real threat. The pope felt he had many urgent tasks to attend to, but the vital one was confronting the Islamic challenge.

Pope Pius V, like Philip, was no exemplar of rubicund, jovial Christianity such as the Italians preferred. He thought the Church had seen too much of that, with the concomitant slackness in Renaissance morals and an excessive generosity to Protestant error. He had never known the high life. He was a former shepherd, an ascetic, a Dominican, and an inquisitor. Though much of a mind with Philip, he had a finer balanced spiritual core that kept him from Philip’s failings. As a pope, he was a reformer, and brought a monastic purity to the organization and administration of the Church, to a review of the religious orders, to educating the faithful, to evangelizing, and to caring for the poor (which he did personally).

If Christendom was split asunder—with even Philip disputing papal control of the Church in Spain—the pope nevertheless had the spiritual and temporal authority, the presence of a future saint, to assemble a Holy League, a fighting force that included Catholic knights not only from the papal states and the Knights of Malta, but from Italy, Germany, and Spain; and even from England, Scotland, and Scandinavia, Catholics and freebooters, gentleman adventurers and convicts condemned to row the galleys.

France, la belle France, (For how long has that moniker been inappropriate? - F.G.) would be present in the Knights, but not as a party itself. The great period of the fleur de lis had passed away with the end of the Crusader kingdoms. Now the king of France could support no venture in league with the Habsburgs, whose dominions surrounded him. Worse, he was quite willing to cut deals with the Mohammedans in order to turn Muslim corsairs against Genoese and Spaniards and away from Frenchmen (unless they were Knights of Malta, where Frenchmen of the old school continued to thrive). So the French king, from the line of Valois, Charles IX, pleaded exhaustion from having to fight the Huguenots. Even less willing to cooperate with the pope was Protestant England, whose Virgin Queen was establishing a cult around herself and a church subordinate to her will. The sad result of French realpolitik and English apostasy was that the sons of Richard Coeur-de-Lion sat this one out:

And the Pope has cast his arms abroad for agony and loss,
And called the kings of Christendom for swords about the Cross.
The cold queen of England is looking in the glass;
The shadow of the Valois is yawning at the Mass . . . .

A Rude Awakening for Venice

Others, who might also occasionally yawn at Mass, nevertheless were enthusiasts for a crusade against the Turk—this was most especially true of the merchant Republic of Venice. It is one of the many commonly accepted myths of history that Protestants invented capitalism, but Venice is proof that Catholic states were exercising their capitalist muscles centuries before Luther burped into his tankard or Calvin had his first glint of his predestined salvation and others’ predestined damnation.

Heehee.

The Venetians were prime exponents of the capitalist art. They were, in fact, something like the entrepreneurs of modern Hong Kong, to the extent that their city was built in a lagoon, the buildings actually resting on logs; and the Venetians enjoyed great economic success despite having no natural resources to speak of, save the sea.

No one knows exactly when Venice was founded, but it was during the Roman Empire, perhaps in the fifth century. By the early Middle Ages it was an established city-state and had carved out a commercial and territorial empire—the territory necessary to protect and extend Venetian commerce.

As with all men of commerce, the Venetians’ preferred mode of interaction was trade: They wanted to make money, not war. But they realized that, as the similarly minded Thomas Jefferson realized half a millennium later, “Our commerce on the ocean . . . must be paid for by frequent war.” Still, given the choice, just as Churchill thought “to jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war,” the Venetians thought ka-ching–ka-ching was better than war-war.

As such, crusades called by the pope merely for the sake of repelling the Mussulmen had no appeal to them. The Mohammedan was a customer, after all—and the customer is always (at least up to the point of heresy) publicly right, even if the merchant secretly despises him.

The Venetians, however, had been forced to come to some sober conclusions about Islamic aggression in the eastern Mediterranean. In 1565, the Ottomans had laid siege to the island of Malta, which was defended by the Knights Hospitallers (also known as the Knights of St. John; or, given their new home, the Knights of Malta). For four months the gallant Knights threw back the besieging Turks, inflicting massive losses on the enemy, who finally called it quits after the Knights were reinforced by Spain.

The Ottomans hated the Knights, but reckoned that Venetian-held Cyprus was easier pickings, and five years later it was Cyprus that was besieged. Now Venice, which had ignored previous papal calls to defend the Mediterranean against Mohammedan raiders, was itself in the firing line. As was good business practice, the Venetians were not caught unprepared. Their insurance policy was the Venetian Arsenal, which built and held the merchant republic’s mighty naval forces. The arsenal, however, had caught fire in late 1569; and in February 1570 the Ottoman mufti Ebn Said, on behalf of Sultan Selim II, declared a jihad against the Christians on Cyprus. Selim was known as “the Sot” for his rather un-Islamic drinking habits. He also had the distinction of having blond hair. Despite his heavy drinking, he, like Philip II, was not a blond who had more fun. With his harem, free-flowing alcohol, and access to all the pleasures that the devout expected only to find in paradise, he tramped his palace in depression and rage against the infidel and Western decadence. While no soldier or sailor himself, he lent his full support to every corsair who would attack Western shipping, to every expansion of the Ottoman navy, and to the siege of Cyprus.

The Muslim Onslaught

The Turks came on with 70,000 men, including their shock troops, the praetorian guard of the sultan, the Janissaries—Christian youths taken as taxation from their families, trained up in the art of war, converted to Islam, and given the power of the sword and the possibility of advancement.

The Catholic defenders of Cyprus were frightfully outnumbered—by about 7 to 1—but then again, the Knights of Malta had faced even stiffer odds. The two key points in Cyprus were Nicosia and Famagusta. The city of Nicosia held out for nearly seven weeks. Finally, reduced to 500 soldiers, it surrendered, expecting the civilians to be spared, even as the Christian troops were enslaved. Instead, the Muslim attackers butchered every Christian they could find—20,000 victims, murdered regardless of rank, sex, or age, save perhaps for 1,000 women and children who would be sold as slaves. The Mussulmen knew something about commerce, too, and those with an eye for harem-flesh tried to spare the most valuable Europeans.

That left the former Crusader fortress of Famagusta as the only defensible point on the island. Inspired by the Turks’ display of severed Venetian heads from Nicosia, the Christian soldiers put up a stiff defense and were at one point resupplied by gallant Venetian sailors.

But the man most devoted to the relief of Famagusta was Pope Pius V. It was his incessant diplomacy that finally brought together the forces of the papal states, the Knights of Malta, Venice, its smaller rival Genoa, the Savoyards, and, most important, Spain and its possessions Naples and Sicily to form the Holy League. The pope did not punish Venice for its failure to support previous papal calls to combat. He was above such pettiness. He only wanted to restore Christendom. He knew, however, that there were national and personal rivalries and hatreds aplenty within his League, and it would take enormous tact to hold the League together and lead it to victory against the Turk and to the relief of Cyprus.

Wow, using diplomacy to organize the forces necessary to wage war. Imagine that...

For the brave defenders of Famagusta, it was too late. In August 1571, after ten months of resistance, the Venetian commander Marco Antonio Bragadino gave in to civilian pressure and opened negotiations with the Turks. Terms were agreed: The garrison would be exiled, the people spared. The troops were disarmed and boarded transports—and then they and their commanders were slaughtered. But for Marco Antonio, the Mohammedans reserved a special torture. He was not killed immediately. Instead, his nose and ears were severed, and, as T. C. F. Hopkins has it in Confrontation at Lepanto:

He was pilloried in Famagusta and dragged around the Ottoman camp in nothing but a loincloth and a donkey’s saddle and made to kiss the ground in front of Lala Mustapha’s tent. The Ottoman soldiers were encouraged to throw garbage and excrement on him, and to mock his misery, and to pull hairs from his beard...
Lala Mustapha himself came out to spit on the Venetian and to empty his chamber pot over the old man’s head...


And even that was not the end of it. Marco Antonio—still, for the moment, alive—was flayed, skinned like a trophy, and then his corpse was stuffed and sent to the sultan, who had the prize stored in a warehouse of other human trophies—a slave prison.

Ah, yes, the Religion of Peace and Love.

Don Juan Takes to the Sea

But for this outrage, the pope had an answer, and he had found the man to deliver it. Among all the courageous, experienced, jostling commanders in his unruly Holy League, he chose a handsome 24-year-old. The young man, raised on tales of chivalry, was a student of war and an experienced commander, with a track record of victory against the Moriscos. He was also the bastard son of the late, great Charles V, which gave him good bloodlines as bastards go. He was Don Juan of Austria.

Don Juan was also the half-brother of Philip II, who treated him with the cold, brooding calculation one might expect, and an apparent jealousy that one might not. Philip was pleased that Don Juan’s elevation affirmed Spain’s leading role in the Holy League. But he did everything he could to tie Don Juan’s authority to his other Spanish commanders and thus to himself. When the decks were readied for action, however, such constraints had of necessity fallen away, and Don Juan the swashbuckler took full command.

Where, risen from a doubtful seat and half-attainted stall,
The last knight of Europe takes weapons from the wall,
The last and lingering troubadour to whom the bird has sung,
That once went singing southward when all the world was young,
In that enormous silence, tiny and unafraid,
Comes up along a winding road the noise of the Crusade.

His first victory was keeping the Venetians, the Genoese, and the Spaniards from killing each other. His second was more important: Against urgings of caution from some of his commanders—most especially the Genoese Admiral Giovanni Andrea Doria—Don Juan of Austria pressed his fleet forward to the attack.

Andrea Doria had reason to fear. If defeating the Turkish fleet required the united naval force of Christendom, what chance had this cobbled-together coalition of fractious rivals commanded by a 24-year-old who, though he had fought corsairs, had sought instruction in commanding so huge a fleet from Don Garcia de Toledo? Don Garcia had once been renowned as a tough old naval warrior, but having run afoul of Philip II, he had been forced into retirement, his reputation blackened. Don Juan, however, trusted him, and believed his advice would be unsullied by Spanish politicking. And Don Juan, fortunately, was right, for in the words of Jack Beeching in The Galleys at Lepanto, he “had the fate of the civilized world placed in his hands.”

The whole civilized world, kiddies! Now CuriousGeorge BushMonkey may not be a Catholic Crusader, but how many men have even tried to defend Christendom of late?

The Battle Begins

The Turks had an estimated 328 ships, of which 208 were galleys, the rest being smaller supporting craft. Aboard them were nearly 77,000 men, including 10,000 Janissaries, but also 50,000 oarsmen, many of them Christian slaves. At Don Juan’s command were 206 galleys, along with 40,000 oarsmen and sailors, and more than 28,000 soldiers, knights, and gentleman adventurers. He also had the blessings of the pope and the papal banner; the ministrations of Jesuits, Dominicans, Franciscans, and Capuchins who accompanied the fleet; the prayers of the faithful; and the rosaries that were pressed into the hands of every Christian oarsman.

The Catholic armada had been spotted by Muslim spy ships (painted entirely black so that they cruised through the night unnoticed). They reported that the Christians would be no match for the Ottoman fleet. On October 7, 1571, Don Juan’s lookouts raised the alarm as the Christian ships entered the Gulf of Patras. The Ottomans, from their naval base at Lepanto in the adjacent Gulf of Corinth, had formed a battle line, its front arrayed in three “battles,” as were the Christians (though the battle had started before Andrea Doria, commanding the Catholic right flank, could bring his ships fully in line). Ahead of Don Juan’s three battles was a wedge of galleasses—slower, less maneuverable gunships that made up for their lack of mobility with their unrivaled firepower.

The battle was met, the galleasses drawing first blood, splintering Turkish decks and Turkish men. But the Ottomans sailed around them; the goal, to grapple with the Catholic ships and turn the battle into a floating melee of Muslim scimitars, bows, and muskets against Catholic swords, pikes, and arquebuses.

Cannons erupted, arrows rained on the Christians, and arquebuses spat back balls of lead. When the ships closed, grappling hooks threw them together; the Christians hurled nets to repel boarders and followed up with gunfire. Still, the fighting closed to hand-to-hand aboard decks. Catholics turned swivel guns on the enemy ships, and the Turkish bowmen fired dark volleys of arrows that claimed the life of Agostini Barbarigo, commander of the Catholic left wing, whose eye was pierced when he raised his visor to issue orders.

Ottoman ships tried to turn the left flank of the Christian line, and while they appeared to succeed, the Catholic ships responded—amid a blinding hail of cannon blasts, arrows, grenades, and gunfire—in pinning the Muslim ships against Scropha Point. There, against the shoals, the Muslim vessels were trapped—and, at first, the Mohammedans fought with the ferocity of trapped animals. But more Catholic ships joined the battle, and what had been the right of the Ottoman line began to splinter, the Christian slaves on the Ottoman ships revolted, and Ottoman captains and crews, sensing disaster, beached their ships, hoping to escape to shore. By early afternoon, the Catholic left had emerged victorious.

At the head of the Catholic center was Don Juan aboard the flagship Real. For him, and for the Muslim commander Ali Pasha, the battle was a joust. They fired shots to announce their presence one to the other, and then drove to the clash, using their galleys as steeds. The ships crashed together, Don Juan in the lead, and everywhere the line erupted with explosions of cannons, bombs, gunfire, and the clash of swords and battle axes, while silent-flying deadly arrows thudded into timber and men.

It appeared that in this violent shipyard scrum, Don Juan’s ship and men were getting the worst of it—despite the handsome hero’s pet monkey hurling Ottoman grenades back at the enemy—until Marco Antonio Colonna, commander of the papal galleys, rammed his own flagship into Ali Pasha’s. The surging Catholic forces, in what had become an infantry battle fought across ships’ decks, swept the Muslims aside. Ali Pasha himself was killed and beheaded, and when Don Juan waved away the present of the severed head, it was tossed overboard. The Holy League’s banner was raised aloft the captured Ottoman flagship, and Ali Pasha’s banner—the sultan’s own undefeated standard made of green silk and with the prophet’s name threaded through it 28,900 times in gold—was Don Juan’s.

On the right flank, Andrea Doria was engaged in a battle of maneuver that was anti-climactic to the battles on the Catholic left and center, save for the fact that in being drawn away from guarding the center battle’s right flank, he allowed the Turks to pour through the gap. Some Catholic ships—without orders—pulled out of Andrea Doria’s battle to plug the gap. But they were too few, and were forced to such desperate heroics as firing their own powder magazines. The Muslim lunge was then directed at the flagship of the Knights of Malta, who, like so many of their brave fellows before, fought to the death against overwhelming odds. (There were, perhaps, six survivors. The sources vary; six is a high guess. The one certain survivor was the Knights’ commander, Pietro Giustiniani, though five times wounded by arrows and twice by scimitars.) Andrea Doria, having hardly distinguished himself thus far, wheeled around and chased away the remaining Ottoman raiders who were commanded by Uluch Ali Pasha, an Italian turned Barbary corsair. Uluch Ali had his prize—the Knights of Malta’s banner—and he knew how to skedaddle when necessary. A realist, he knew the bigger battle was lost.

Victory at Lepanto

Not only was the battle lost for the Turk, but so were 170 of his galleys and 33,000 men killed, wounded, or captured, as well as 12,000 liberated Christian slaves. Lost was a generation of experienced Ottoman bowmen and seamen; and though a mighty fleet could, and indeed was, rebuilt, and though the sultan was committed to renewing the jihad by sea—or if not by sea, then by land—the threat of the Ottoman Turks dominating the Mediterranean was finished.

Domino Gloria!
Don John of Austria
Has set his people free!


Catholic losses were 7,500 dead—though many of these were knights and noblemen—and another 22,000 wounded (including Miguel de Cervantes). Pope Pius V, who had commanded the faithful to pray the rosary for victory, was convinced that it was prayer that had turned the tide. The Battle of Lepanto became the feast day of Our Lady of Victory, later of Our Lady of the Rosary.

Pray for us, Blessed Mother.

Don Juan, a hero to the last, gave his portion of the captured booty to the Catholic wounded who had not been able to pillage for themselves, and redoubled his generosity by adding to their treasure the 30,000 ducats awarded him by the city of Messina. He also made gifts of two captured banners: The imperial Ottoman banner went to the pope; the fabulous green silk banner went to Philip II, along with his after-action report. He gave credit to everyone else and little to himself, though he had been wounded in the hand-to-hand fighting. Don Juan was everything a parfait gentil knight should be—and, alas, as is often the case of the good and noble, died young, felled by fever; a romantic hero, a devoted and faithful Catholic and soldier (but one appalled at his half-brother’s brutality in the Netherlands), in love with the charming Marguerite de Valois, whose blood was royal but whose character was far less admirable than his own. Still, Don Juan showed that chivalry could indeed live and breathe, even in the thinner air of a Europe no longer unified by the Catholic ideals that gave birth to chivalry. And so:

Cervantes on his galley sets the sword back in the sheath
(Don John of Austria rides homeward with a wreath.)
And he sees across a weary land a straggling road in Spain,
Up which a lean and foolish knight forever rides in vain,
And he smiles, but not as Sultans smile, and settles back the blade...
(But Don John of Austria rides home from the Crusade.)


Today, Christendom is even more divided, and certainly more deracinated and less confident, than it was in Don Juan’s time, but there are still fighting men, the valiant core of that civilization, who even now patrol the dusty villages of Afghanistan and the dirty streets of Mesopotamia. The enemy smiles as “suicide bombers” smile, but our fighting men—some holding rosaries (the very same as I have, made by a Marine Corps mom)—smile with thoughts of sweethearts, wives, and children; of football and cold beers by warm fires; and of Christmas. They are the inheritors of the men who saved Europe at Lepanto; and they are the men who will, with God’s grace, save the West again. So in honor of Don Juan, of Lepanto, of who we are as Catholics, let us pray for them, for their safety and for their victory. St. George, St. Michael, Our Lady, pray for them—and for us.

Amen to all that, Brother Crocker.

H. W. Crocker III is the author most recently of Don’t Tread on Me: 400 Years of America at War, from Indian-Fighting to Terrorist-Hunting. His prize-winning comic novel The Old Limey and his books Triumph: The Power and the Glory of the Catholic Church, A 2,000-Year History and Robert E. Lee on Leadership are available in paperback.

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First of all, the word is SEX, not GENDER. If you are ever tempted to use the word GENDER, don't. The word is SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! For example: "My sex is male." is correct. "My gender is male." means nothing. Look it up. What kind of sick neo-Puritan nonsense is this? Idiot left-fascists, get your blood-soaked paws off the English language. Hence I am choosing "male" under protest.

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